Leaving Scars
by callistawolf
Summary: It's been about a hundred years for him since he left her on Bad Wolf Bay. Visiting early 21st century London, the Doctor runs across a very familiar person and even more surprising than that is the reaction this person has to seeing him.


Chapter 1

Perhaps the greatest irony for a Time Lord was how fast time seemed to pass. The Doctor mused that this was especially true for an old git like him. Sometimes, it felt like it'd been centuries. Yet other times, it felt like just yesterday. Today, it distinctly felt like it was just yesterday.

He pulled open the door to the coffee shop and held it while a business woman entered before him. He strolled in after her, inhaling the homey scents of tea, espresso and various baked goodies. He loved coming to coffee shops on miserable, rainy, and grey mornings like this. It made it so much easier to pretend that things were normal. But, if he were to be honest with himself, things hadn't been remotely normal in years. About a hundred years, to be honest.

A century ago, he had lost everything that mattered to him. He and his "Children of Time" had saved the multiverse in true epic fashion. It should have been one of the happiest moments since that horrible day in the lever room at Canary Wharf. Well, it _was_ a happy, joyful, we-saved-the-world moment. That is, until it wasn't anymore. He'd dropped everyone off at their respective homes, knowing their time in the TARDIS was only ever meant to be temporary. Then he'd taken Jackie, his metacrisis self and Rose ( _oh, Rose_ ), back to the parallel world. He'd stood there on that beach and broke everyone's hearts. Well, maybe not Jackie's. He was pretty sure Jackie had been happy with the turn of events, other than being stranded in bloody Norway. But certainly, he'd broken the heart of his metacrisis self who he left without the TARDIS and told he was a murderous menace. And, he'd definitely broken the heart of Rose, who had looked at him with such a hurt expression that even now his hearts twisted at the memory.

His brilliant Rose had stubbornly argued with him and he loved her for it. She hadn't wanted to let him tear her out of his life. The worst part of it was that he knew she'd been right. He'd known it at the time and he knew it now. Oh, not about the metacrisis being him. That much had been true. But at the same time, he wasn't him. Not anymore at least. They had held the same past, but not the same future. And knowing this, he had hardly been able to look at... himself. Standing there opposite him, he had seethed with the knowledge of that man's future with Rose and had felt such a stifling jealousy that he had hardly been able to think straight.

The Doctor had known leaving her with the metacrisis was the best possible solution, for her and for the metacrisis. For him? Well, at the time he'd thought so. Now, he wasn't so sure. He'd been a coward, plain and simple. Same old story, different verse. Which is why when the metacrisis had said the words to her that he had dared not and when she had kissed him, the Doctor had turned tail and run back to the TARDIS. Donna had given him an admonishing look once they were inside and dematerializing. She'd chastised him for the lack of a proper goodbye but surely she could have understood that saying goodbye to Rose Tyler was one thing that would have probably killed him once and for all.

Donna... Oh, his brilliant, brave Donna. He'd known almost as soon as she'd become the Doctor Donna what he would have to do to save her. And to have to do so, so hot on the heels of losing Rose was just... beyond cruel. He couldn't just let her die. Not her, not his best friend. Donna had seen him through the worst of it, had dusted him off and set him right again. They had truly been partners in crime. Then, he'd had to wipe her memories of all traces of him and send her back to her family. Thinking about it now, even a hundred years later, still caused his eyes to prickle. He still missed her.

After all of that loss and heartbreak, he hadn't been able to pretend he was "always all right" as easily as he might have once been able to do. He also couldn't just swan off and pick up another young, perky companion and jet across the galaxy. He'd met friends, here and there, but no one he had ever felt remotely like asking on board the TARDIS. Solitude was hard, but he couldn't help thinking that breaking in another companion right now would be so much harder. He'd spent a lot of time alone, a lot of time studying, a lot of time _brooding_. He'd visited old friends, made new ones, solved mysteries and saved planets. It was the same old life he'd always lived, except lonelier somehow.

Now here he was, back in London, popping into a coffee shop for some tea and perhaps something sweet to go with it. He always seemed to come back here, to this time or a time near enough to it. It was 2012, and though he'd definitely been to this year and in fact this place before, it was a favorite era of his. As much as some of the memories were tender and sore to the touch, they also comforted him in their familiarity.

He stepped up to the counter and ordered his usual, an English Breakfast tea and a cheese danish to go with it. He fixed the girl behind the counter with one of his dazzling smiles and noticed her blush prettily in response. He still had it, even if he usually had no call to use it. That in itself helped bolster his spirits some.

He stepped away to wait for his order and scanned the other patrons idly. Being this was downtown London and the financial district at that, most everyone there was dressed in business attire and had that air of distracted impatience that professionals often seemed to have. He saw a lot of grey and black and navy blue suits, slick hairstyles and no-nonsense shoes. Briefly, he wished he'd decided to go to a shop in a more colorful part of town. That certainly would have made for more interesting people-watching.

That was when he saw a figure seated at one of the few tables, tucked away in the corner out of the traffic pattern. She was young, slender, medium height, with a cascade of shiny brunette hair hiding the details of her face from his view. She was dressed very similarly to the people around her, but with a bit more flash. She wore a string of pearls around her neck with heels too tall and expensive to be considered sensible. Her dress was tailored, a soft lavender color with hints of lace around the scooped neck and at the hem that danced around her knees. She wore a wool coat over the dress, navy blue, that was as long as the dress. She was reading something on her mobile phone and sipping idly at cup of what appeared to be a fancy coffee drink.

She both fit in with this crowd and stuck out like a sore thumb and he was fascinated with her. Why should he be fascinated with her? There was something in her posture, something in the aura she exuded that begged him to notice her. He had a wild thought in that moment, that perhaps she wasn't quite human. She looked like she was but... then again so did he. There was just something about her...

"Doctor!" the girl behind the counter called, summoning him from his thoughts. He whirled around to accept his drink and pastry, and gave the girl another smile and a playful wink to go with it. "Enjoy your tea and danish," she said shyly.

He turned back around, intending to find an empty table to sit at to enjoy his abbreviated breakfast. He had thought he'd take his order to go but now he kind of wanted to observe this woman a little more instead. Thinking again of her, he raised his eyes in her direction and saw she had turned to face him, her features finally in view.

It was a lucky thing that he didn't drop his tea right then and there. Instead his mouth fell open rather inelegantly as he took in the face that was staring at him with as much shock as he was feeling vibrating through his being. Rose. It was Rose.

Chapter 2

Chapter Summary

We get a little look into Rose's life and a confrontation between her and the Doctor that raises far more questions than it answers.

Oh, this fic also assumes that the tragic events of the latter episodes of Torchwood never occurred either. There's angst here but I didn't want to go too crazy, you know what I mean? So the team is intact for the purposes of this fic. Yet again, thanks to Kelkat9 for her services as a beta! She really does help me make this better!

Rose Tyler sipped at her soy latte and scanned through the Torchwood emails on her mobile. There was one from Ianto, one from Gwen and three from Jack. All of them had been sent since last night and she had to wonder if any of them actually had any lives outside of work. Sighing, she scanned the one from Ianto and saw that he wanted her to fax over her findings as soon as she had her hands on them. Well, she'd been intending to do just that. He could be so impatient sometimes, she thought fondly.

She'd come to London from Torchwood headquarters in Cardiff to investigate a case. She had already worked with the U.N.I.T. contact on a previous case so she'd volunteered to be the one to make the trip to London. She had some other business to see to here anyhow and she appreciated any opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. Though, admittedly, she wasn't especially looking forward to closing out her mother's affairs. It didn't matter how much time had passed, some things were never easy. There wasn't much to see to, it had been six years by this universe's count since Canary Wharf. The flat had long since been surrendered. Jack told her he had seen to some of their personal affects and her mother had told her of bank account or two for her to close out. Not that there would be much there, of course. But she'd feel better having it all taken care of once and for all.

Rose snorted to herself as she scanned Gwen's email. Thankfully, hers wasn't business related and was simply a confirmation of their plans to catch a film on Friday night. Six years. Not quite six years at all, actually. She'd lost count after she'd lost everything else, to be honest. But she did feel comfortable here, in this time, so when it had come down to a choice of when to travel to, it had been a no brainer. It made her think of the Doctor, a little. The Time Lord Doctor, that is. He'd seemed to have a fondness for this time period too.

She grimaced and put thoughts of _him_ out of her mind as she quickly responded to Gwen, suggesting they meet at the chippy down the street from the theater for dinner before the show. No, she didn't want to waste any time thinking of him. Not now and not ever again. He was the past. The _distant_ past. And frankly, he was better off there.

She finished off her drink, put her mobile back in her pocketbook and was about to leave for her meeting with the U.N.I.T. contact when she heard the employee behind the counter call out the name of the next customer whose drink was ready. "Doctor!"

Now, logically, she knew it could be (and mostly likely was), just a regular medical doctor who had put that name down on his or her order. Rose knew it and yet... she also knew it was _him_. Her stomach dropped to her knees and her skin prickled and she just _knew_.

She looked up and saw him. He looked up just after she did and their eyes met. It was him and he didn't look all that different from the last time she saw him. A little more tired, maybe. But then, he'd looked pretty tired, standing there on Bad Wolf Bay. He wore the brown pinstripes, of course, and his flowing coat and his hair was disheveled in that casual but deliberate way of his. It was strange, how well she _knew_ him but yet _didn't_ know him. Nothing like a metacrisis to confuse the hell out of someone. Still, he looked _good_ and in that instant, she saw her entire day, her week, her LIFE, go completely pear-shaped.

Oh sure, she knew that running into him was always a possibility. Still, she thought she'd have more time to prepare. She'd only been back in this universe maybe a year. Jack had told her that the Doctor tended to stay hidden these days. He himself hadn't seen him since the events on the Crucible and in the TARDIS afterward, towing the Earth back home. She'd felt reasonably comfortable that she might never see him again. She had relaxed her guard and now it would seem that had been her first big mistake.

Rose dropped her eyes quickly, snapping her mouth shut. Had it been hanging open? Good lord. She grabbed her pocketbook and stood up to leave, hoping against all hope that maybe he hadn't recognized her. Her hair was certainly different now, as was her wardrobe. Maybe that expression she'd seen on his face had meant something else. Maybe she could still make a clean getaway.

She hurried towards the doors to the shop but a moment later felt his hand grab her arm. His fingers were like a steel clamp around her flesh. She cursed under her breath as she turned to face him. She avoided his eyes as she ground out, "Not here."

The Doctor released her arm and she walked outside into the drizzle, aware that he followed close behind her. A moment later, she felt his hand on her back guiding her. She tried to squirm away from his touch and he said, closer to her ear than she expected, "We can't talk in the rain. The TARDIS is just around the corner."

Every instinct she had raised an alarm, but logically she knew that going to the TARDIS wasn't going to change anything. Not if she didn't let it. They did need to get out of the weather. The TARDIS was simply a dry and private place for her to say to him what she needed to say before she could escape. Oh god, she _had_ to escape.

Still, she wasn't prepared for the physical thrill that pulsed through her when she saw that marvelous blue box at the end of the alley the Doctor had steered her down. He opened the door quickly and efficiently and in a moment, they were inside. A warm hum greeted her as she took in the sight of the familiar console. The walls glowed warmer and it felt... welcoming? Oh, she _had_ missed this ship, this beautiful TARDIS. She fought against the tears that pricked at the back of her eyes and gathered herself behind her steely facade before turning to face him.

As they stepped into the TARDIS, he was still struggling to wrap his mind around the fact that Rose was here. She was standing right in front of him, here, in this universe. _How_.

But before he could ask she turned towards him. And yet again, for the second time in a mere span of minutes, she took his breath away. She was as beautiful as ever and now that he got a good look at her, he thought maybe now she was even more so. Was it the years of separation that made him think that? But there was no smile on her face or in her eyes. She was cooly dispassionate and that was just so _unlike_ the Rose he knew. What had happened to her? He was dying to know.

"Rose-" he began.

She held up a neatly manicured hand, stopping him. "Doctor, don't. I don't want to get into anything here, I don't want to have a heart-to-heart... I just want you to forget you saw me."

He was fairly certain that there was nothing else she could have said that would have surprised him more. "Forget you? What on earth are you talking about? How could I-"

She cut him off again. "Please. This is what I want. Look, it's easy. You go your way and I'll go mine and that'll be that." He noticed she was studiously avoiding his gaze. What was she hiding? _What was she doing here?_

This wasn't making any sense. "I can't just do that, Rose."

"You've done it before," she murmured, so quietly that he wasn't even sure at first that he'd heard her correctly. But before he could even begin to process _that_ , she said, "Please." Her voice was much softer now, pleading. She glanced up at him then and the emptiness he saw in her eyes floored him. It wasn't just sadness, it was a deep, soulful ache that he only ever saw when he looked in the mirror. When she spoke again a moment later, her voice was steel again. "Forget me."

Before he could reply, she swept past him to the TARDIS doors. A second later, they closed with a dull thud and she was gone.

He stared after her for several long minutes, replaying the entire event in his mind and cataloging the details. There was something very, _very_ wrong here. How did she get here? Why was she so keen to avoid him? What had happened to put that look in her eye? It took a while before he fully comprehended her departure and when he ran out of the TARDIS, there was no sign of her. Just as quickly as she had appeared back in his life, she had disappeared again. His brain scrambled to catch up. What was he missing?

He knew there was one person he could go to who might possibly know what the hell was going on. He had avoided this man for all these years and would have been perfectly happy to continue to avoid him for however many years he had left. But, he had to know what was going on with Rose and why she was here in this universe. If there was anyone in this universe that knew what had happened to Rose, it would probably be him. That meant it was time to place a call to Captain Jack Harkness.

Chapter 3

Chapter Summary

We get to see an old friend in this chapter, who helps our favorite couple on their way. Thanks again to Kelkat9 for her beta services!

The Doctor was sitting in a restaurant located on the waterfront in Cardiff, not far from the Millennium Centre. As far as he knew, it could be the same restaurant he had sat in so many years ago with Jack, Mickey and Rose, laughing and telling stories and having such a good time. He sipped the water in front of him and wondered exactly when it all had gone so wrong.

"Hey there, stranger," a familiar voice said, and Jack Harkness dropped down into the seat across from him. "I never expected to hear from you again. Well, before Wednesday morning that is. After Rose told me she saw you, I expected nothing less," Jack said with a smile that did not reach his eyes.

The Doctor's gaze narrowed as he regarded Jack. "You spoke with her?"

Jack looked virtually the same as he had the last time he saw him. Which made sense, considering it had only been four years for the ex-Time Agent. And right now, he felt some of the old stirrings of what may have been jealousy come alive inside him.

Jack laughed, but it was almost a bitter sound. "Spoke with her? Doc, she works for me. Well, not really _for_ me. More like with me. I see her almost every day."

Yes, that was _definitely_ jealousy. "For how long?" the Doctor asked with an edge to his voice.

His old friend sighed and settled back in his chair. "Listen, when you called me the other day, I agreed to meet with you out of friendship. Or rather, out of the friendship that we once had. But now, I absolutely draw the line at disregarding Rose's wishes concerning you."

What the hell did _that_ mean? "Are you saying you don't consider me a friend any longer, Captain?"

Jack leaned forward. "Doc, I know how long it's been for you. It hasn't been just four years. Let's not call this something that it isn't, okay? You've always been eager to be rid of me."

The Doctor chewed the inside of his cheek thoughtfully. He'd forgotten how perceptive Jack could be. "Fine, but you have to tell me something... anything. She wouldn't talk to me."

The waitress came to their table then and the two men adopted easy smiles and charming demeanors as they placed their orders. As soon as she left, however, it was back to business for both of them.

"She has her reasons and I'm not the one to tell them," Jack said simply after a moment of tense silence.

The Doctor pushed a hand through his hair in frustration. "You can at least tell me how long she's been working with you. Can't you?"

Jack looked thoughtful. "Okay, I'll throw you a bone. She's been working with me for the last 11 months now."

He blinked. Almost a year, then. So many questions were rushing through his mind that he had a hard time focusing on anything. The biggest question, of course, was why she was so desperate to avoid him?

"I need to talk to her, Jack." He made eye-contact with the man, hoping to impress on him his sincerity.

"Listen, I don't want to get in the middle of it. Honestly, she has her wishes and I need to respect them."

"But you can't just expect me to forget her. It's _Rose_."

That must have been the right thing to say as Jack looked conflicted. "Tell me this much, Doc. Why are you here? Why are you talking to me about this? Why _can't_ you just forget her?"

"Jack," he sighed, leaning back in his seat. Even after all this time, this was delicate territory.

"Because from everything I heard, you left her. She tore through universes to get back to you and first chance you had, you dumped her back in her parallel world without so much as a goodbye." Jack's eyes were hard as they met his and the Doctor felt chagrin.

The Doctor realized that it came down to a simple decision. Did he want to just let it go? Run away from the whole thing as he always had? Or, did he want to resolve this? Did he want Rose? Oh Rassilon, that made it so simple.

"I made a mistake, Jack," he finally admitted.

His words hung in the air between them as Jack simply stared at him with his mouth hanging open in surprise. The waitress returned then with their orders of fish and chips and a pint for Jack. As soon as she was gone again, Jack fixed him with a look. "Are you saying you regret letting her go, Doc?"

The Doctor fidgeted and grumbled as he bit into a chip. "You know I am, Jack."

Jack smiled then, a big grin full of white teeth. "You want to fight for her," he said, the first hint of a twinkle in his eyes.

Rassilon help him, the Doctor hated talking about this with _Jack_. "Yes," he ground out, finally, after Jack had raised a prompting eyebrow at him.

The other man's broad grin took him by surprise. He looked almost... smug. Gleeful, even. How could he act like this when everything was going so wrong? Rose wouldn't even consider him. What purpose could be achieved by rubbing his nose in his own repressed feelings? He wondered, not for the first time, at Jack's seemingly unintentional cruelty.

"Stop grinning," he spat. "I don't see how this is in any way amusing. She won't even _talk_ to me, Jack, and I don't know _why_."

Jack took a swig from his pint and then set it down, looking the Doctor square in the eye. "If you mean what you say, that you made a mistake and that you want to fight for her, I might be able to help a little."

He quickly revised his opinion of Jack's cruelty. "How? Can you talk to her, convince her to see me?" Hope was blooming in his chest at the thought.

"I can't promise anything, Doc. But I'll talk to her. I really think she should at least have a conversation with you. If she still wants to go her own way after that, then fine. But, it should be an informed decision on both of your parts." Jack sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "Do you have a number I can give her? A way she can call you if she decides to?"

In a swift movement, the Doctor pulled a pen from one of his trans-dimensional pockets and scribbled a number down on a napkin and pushed it across the table. "I'll always answer this, no matter what."

Jack tucked the napkin in his pocket and smiled. "I'll do what I can."  
***

The knocking wasn't what woke Rose up. It was the ringing of her mobile on her nightstand that accomplished that. Rose reached out from underneath the covers and slapped at the phone before grasping it and dragging it back under the covers with her. Keeping her eyes shut, she accepted the call from muscle memory and held it to her ear.

"What?" she croaked.

"Rose, answer the door." It sounded like Jack. Why was Jack calling her on a Saturday morning? Did he not know her at all?

"Go away," she replied. She'd been enjoying the blank bliss of a dreamless sleep and was anxious to return to it.

"I'm not going away. Jesus, Rose, I know you're not a morning person but it's after 10. How late did Gwen keep you out last night?"

She groaned. "I've been out later." Pushing back the covers, she sat up and held the heel of her other hand to her eyes. Was it always so bright in here in the morning? "She wanted to stop for a pint after the film. Who was I to argue?"

Jack chuckled over the line. "Come on, let me in."

Rose pushed off the bed and stumbled into the living room of her Cardiff flat. "Don't get your pants in a twist, Captain." A moment later, she was unlocking and opening the door. Jack pushed in, all swishing overcoat and bravado. Unimpressed, Rose turned around and headed back to her en suite.

"I'll be out in a minute. Put a kettle on, yeah?" She didn't bother waiting for an answer before she shut the door. She took care of business and washed her hands, splashing water on her face in the process. That helped some, but a cuppa would work even better.

She didn't bother to dress before returning to the living room. Jack had seen her in the vest and boxers she slept in many times. He'd seen her in less, actually. It's what happened when you worked in such close proximity under such dangerous circumstances with someone. Come to think of it, she was sure she'd seen everyone at Torchwood in their knickers at some point or another.

She flopped down on the sofa and Jack handed her a cup of tea. "Bless you, Jack," she said as she took a healthy swallow of the steaming drink. Good lord, it _did_ clear the synapses.

"So what's up, Jack? I don't usually have you banging on my door on a Saturday morning."

Jack was settled on the chair next to her sofa, leaning forward so his elbows rested on his knees. "I had dinner with an old friend last night," he said.

"Oh? Someone I know?" Obviously, or he wouldn't have mentioned it, right? Who, though? Martha, maybe? Or Sarah Jane? He grimaced and then she knew. "Oh. Him."

"Yeah, _Him_. He called me... just after I spoke to you on Wednesday, actually. He wanted to talk."

"About me, I'm guessing? Or you wouldn't be here."

"Right in one, Rosie." Jack edged closer to her. "I think you should talk to him."

"Jack!" she cried, leaping up to pace across the room. "You know how I feel about that. I can't talk to him. I can't see him. I just... can't."

Jack was on his feet too and crossed the room in a few quick strides. He put his hands reassuringly on her shoulders. "He wants to know, Rose. I saw him and I saw his eyes. Just... trust me. I think you need to at least tell him the story."

"I don't think it's a good idea, Jack." She wrapped her arms around herself protectively. Just those few moments on Wednesday morning had shaken her up. If she saw him again...

"Just once. Just talk to him and answer his questions. If you still feel the same way, then cut if off there."

Rose blew out a frustrated breath. "I'm not going to change my mind, Jack."

"Then what's the harm in talking to him?"

Oh, if only it were that simple. How could Jack know that she was terrified that if she saw him again, just one more time, that all her carefully erected barriers would come tumbling down? She simply could not afford to lose herself to that man again. Not now.

But, say she did talk to him. Say she let it all out on the line and told him the whole story. Chances were, if she remembered him correctly, he would run as far from her as she would from him. If she didn't talk to him, he might keep chasing her around and her defences would surely tumble down. Okay, she had to admit that Jack had a point.

"You make a convincing argument, Captain," she said dryly. Grinning, Jack reached into his coat pocket, withdrew a napkin and handed it to her.

Chapter 4

Chapter Summary

Rose agrees to meet the Doctor and some of her incredible story finally comes out.

Thanks again to my fantastic (and patient!) beta, Kelkat9!

Rose pulled her silver coat closer around her as she walked briskly through the park. It wasn't raining, thank goodness, but there was a chill in the air and she was feeling nervous. She raised her hand unconsciously to her brunette hair, smoothing it away from her face. She hated to admit it, but she'd taken extra care in getting ready before she'd left her flat. She'd picked out a particularly flattering soft pink silk blouse and a fashionably cut pair of black trousers to go with it. She'd left her hair down, but had taken care to style it into loose, flattering waves. She had applied her makeup carefully, recreating a smokey eye and using a soft pink lipstick that matched the blouse she wore. She'd finished off with a matching pair of pink pumps and a spray of her favorite perfume. Thus assembled, she felt like she was wearing a costume, like it was armor. It was certainly far different from anything she'd worn back when she traveled with him. She hoped it would protect her.

The phone conversation that morning, after Jack had left her flat, had been brief and business-like. The Doctor answered on the second ring and while her stomach had fluttered, she'd schooled her tone to sound cool as she told him where to meet her so they could talk. A public park had seemed like a safe enough venue.

She felt silly for being nervous and silently chastised herself. She needed to remember that she had the upper hand. He may be the Doctor, but she was Rose Tyler and she held all the chips here. She would absolutely not focus on his great hair, molten brown eyes, pouty lips, or even the sprinkle of freckles across his... Perhaps, it was best to just avoid looking at his face all together. She reminded herself why she needed to keep her distance and that did help quite a bit. That pain was never hard to bring up and she needed the reminder of it to keep her objectivity.

She crossed over a small rise and before her spread a small glen, complete with trees, duck pond and a bench. And, on that bench sat the Doctor. He had a paper bag in his lap from which he was producing bread crumbs. She watched as he tossed crumbs to the ducks who were waddling around the bench rather expectantly. Her first impulse was to smile at the sweet sight before her. _He left you_ , a voice in her head reminded her. Right, adorable ducks or not, he was still a prat.

Rose approached him briskly and dropped down onto the bench next to him without saying a word. If he was surprised by her sudden appearance, he didn't show it. He tossed a few more breadcrumbs and she took the opportunity to gather her defences around her more securely. It was a few minutes before he spoke.

"Thank you for coming." His voice was so low she wasn't even sure he'd spoken at first.

She cleared her throat and looked out over the pond. "Jack can be... persuasive."

She felt him stiffen a little next to her on the bench. "Yes, I'm sure he can be," he said with an edge to his voice. What was that? Was he... jealous? The notion was so absurd that she disregarded it entirely.

"Let's get this over with, shall we?" Sitting next to him was even more difficult than she had anticipated and she was suddenly very anxious to get out of there.

He made a noise that she tried not to decipher. There was a tense silence for a few moments before he finally said, "How?"

"I'm assuming you're asking how I got here?" At his nod, she continued. "I met a friendly Time Agent out on Hravzic IV. I was able to convince him to help me get through to this universe and time. I had some... technology which helped make it possible but needed the vortex manipulator to really get the job done. Was actually quite a simple feat, once all the pieces were in place."

He was staring at her then, his mouth open in shock. There was the strangest expression in his eyes. She braced herself for what she was sure was coming next.

Finally, he spoke. "You left the parallel world? Your family? You left _him_?"

Yep, there it was. She blew out a breath. "I left the parallel world, yes."

"How could you?" His voice was low and dark. He was angry, as she'd expected he would be. Still, the reality of it was rather intimidating.

"It's not that simple," she said, not looking at him and wondered if there was any way she could get out of having to tell him everything. She was holding onto a hope that wasn't there, she feared. She stood up from the bench and walked away from him a few steps, her hands shoved into her coat pockets.

"Oh, I think it _is_ that simple." He was on his feet and at her back in an instant. "You left your world and your family and him just to get back here. Why? Was it to look for me? Again? Not happy with what you had and you wanted more?"

She whirled around, the palm of her hand connecting with his face in such a fluid movement that she knew she'd taken him completely by surprise. That gave her some satisfaction. That and the clear outline of her hand on his reddened cheek.  
***

He resisted the urge to raise his hand to his face, to feel the stinging flesh under his fingers. Something alive was leaping in his chest and instead of settling him, the slap only urged it forward.

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about," she growled at him, her eyes flashing at him and an angry flush spreading across her pale cheeks.

"Don't I?" he asked, stepping closer to her and leaning over her threateningly. He was suddenly so _angry_. At her, at himself... "Maybe you weren't just looking for me. Maybe you just had to get out. Had to keep traveling 'cos you couldn't sit still. Maybe you drove them all crazy until they begged you to leave."

"You think you're so fucking smart, don't you?" she snapped, her eyes flashing her anger.

Her coarse language only encouraged him. He was purely reacting and all rational thought had fled the moment she'd joined him on the park bench. The only thought pounding through his head was the image of her throwing his gift and his sacrifice back in his face. Did she have any clue what leaving her with his metacrisis had done to him? And now that pain and sacrifice had been for _nothing_. "Did you at least shag the other me before you abandoned him?" he asked intending to be as snarky as possible.

Her hand flew up again but this time he saw it coming a mile away. In one swift movement, he reached out and grabbed her wrist, wrapping his fingers around it, halting the movement of her hand. Her mouth dropped open in surprise but her eyes still glittered with anger. Still gripping her wrist, he yanked her against him and with his other hand, he reached up and grabbed at the back of her head, his fingers tangling into her hair. In the next moment, he was crashing his lips down onto hers.

Oh, this was not how he imagined their first proper kiss would be. Their first "not possessed by another being and/or losing all memory of the encounter" kiss, at least. And yes, he had imagined it. He'd fantasized it so many times over all these years and this was nothing like what he'd imagined. He'd visualized quiet romance, soft lips and seeking tongues. This was bruising, punishing, full of nipping teeth and pushing tongues and erotic desperation. And it was utterly fantastic.

He grabbed at her waist, fingers digging into her flesh through the silken fabric of her blouse, yanking her against him roughly. Her fingers were in his hair, pulling at the strands and scratching his scalp, causing him to moan into her open mouth. The sound seemed to startle her back to awareness and she shoved at his chest, pushing him away.

They stood apart, both of their chests heaving as they dragged in precious oxygen. His eyes were on hers, watching her. She looked... almost afraid. That calmed him almost instantly. He could not figure why she would be afraid. Angry, almost certainly. Aroused, hopefully. But _afraid_?

"I can't do this. No, I can't do this with you," she stammered, her hand shaking as she raised it to her mouth.

"What in the name of Rassilon is going on, Rose? Why are you acting this way? Why are you here?" His confusion was taking over now and he was a clever man but he surely wasn't _this_ clever. And, he was getting tired of not knowing what the hell was going on.

He watched as she sank back onto the bench, her shoulders slumped. "I needed someplace to go. I had to get away from... from that universe. They don't know me there, not anymore at least. I can live my life here."

"What happened there? Why did you have to hide?" He sat next to her, trying to resist the urge to reach out to her and touch her.

She shuddered. "Bad Wolf. I think it was Bad Wolf. I don't really know and it doesn't really matter. The end result is the same. Torchwood... found out." she explained with a far away pained look in her eyes. "I didn't expect that they would... do what they did. But I was able to escape. I got away and then I just ran. I ran and they followed and then I found the Time Agent."

He grimaced. There was an abundance of holes in what she was telling him and he couldn't help but think he was missing a vital piece of information. "What did Bad Wolf do? What are you talking about, Rose?"

"I don't know, exactly. All I do know is that I don't seem to age much, if at all. And I heal when injured... and when I shouldn't be able to heal." She kept her eyes downcast, seemingly unwilling to meet his gaze. For his part, he stared at her in shock.

"And Torchwood was hunting you? Is that why you left … him... and your family?"

The sound she made was somewhere in between a laugh and a snort. "Don't you get it?" she cried, turning to look at him and he saw tears shining in her eyes. Obviously, he didn't get it at all. "There is no him. There is no family. Not anymore. Not for a long time!"

Now he got it. Oh, he really was a stupid man. The pieces of puzzle slid into place and he stared at her with dawning realization. She wasn't aging, she healed when she shouldn't, she'd run from Torchwood... "How long?" he asked.

"I lost count." Her laugh sounded bitter. "After I lost everyone and everything that mattered to me, I stopped paying attention. Over a hundred years, I'm thinking. Maybe one hundred and thirty?"

His mouth was dry. He knew he should say something but every thought in his head rushed forward at once, log-jamming and catching in his throat before he could give them voice.

"So you see," she continued. "I didn't leave anyone. I couldn't leave anyone. I'm not like _you_." He winced at her sharp tone. "I stayed with him, every day, for sixty years. Even when he aged and I didn't. I never left his side. I _couldn't_. I loved him to the depths of my soul and he loved me back with everything he had. I held his hand... as he passed." Tears tracked down her cheeks and she brushed at them, notching her chin upwards. She wanted to look strong but he thought she'd never looked more fragile.

"Oh Rose," he breathed. He reached out to touch her face but she recoiled before he could make contact. "I didn't know!"

Her eyes hardened at that. "No, of course not. You never even bothered to look. I reduced Dalek armies to dust, I vanquished the emperor. I brought Jack back to life permanently and spread the words "Bad Wolf" throughout the galaxy. Why on earth would you ever want to find out what doing all of that did to _me_?"

He felt the guilt then. Oh, so sharp and so present. Why hadn't he? Sure, the regeneration and resulting sickness and chaos had preoccupied him, but what about after all that? Not for the first time, he was startled at the memory of how reckless he had been in those early days of this regeneration. How she had put up with him at all was nothing short of a miracle.

"Rose, I- I'm sorry, I didn't think," he said as he scrubbed a hand over his face.

"No, you didn't. And I don't need to hear it from you too. I got the whole guilty apology from the other you. What I do need to tell you is that I did not come back here to this universe to find you. Not this time. I learned my lesson the first time," she told him, her voice brittle. "I came back here to try to have some semblance of a normal life. And a normal life does not include you."

It was almost as if she'd slapped him again. The worst part was he knew she was right. But these revelations about herself and life as it was now, it changed things. And it meant he couldn't just walk away from her. At the very least, he needed to do a full work-up on her, find out exactly what it was Bad Wolf had done to her physiology. And, at the most, it meant she might need him as much as he needed her. "Rose, how can you say that?"

Tears sprang almost instantly to her eyes and she turned her face away from him. "Because you _hurt_ me. You hurt the both of us. You left us there in that parallel world without even asking us what we wanted. You took the TARDIS away from him and you took yourself away from both of us. You didn't even say _goodbye_. I don't think you have any earthly idea of what we went through after that. I loved him, yes. But it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows either. We struggled almost constantly. He struggled the rest of his life. I'm still struggling."

He quite literally didn't know what to say. He always knew that he kept in motion to avoid getting entangled in the aftermath. It was a coping mechanism. And he knew that sometimes there was fallout as a result. Sarah Jane was a perfect example. But never before had he really stopped to consider the full magnitude of his decisions and actions. The idea that his metacrisis had been unhappy for the rest of his life shook him.

"Was he unhappy?" he asked, dreading the answer.

She turned back to him, her eyes still shining. "No, I think on the whole he was happy. He allowed himself to happy. He didn't run from it, like you do. I don't mean to compare the two of you because I know that's not fair. But for a time, right after he... came to be, you were essentially the same man. He still was able to tell me how he felt on that beach when you couldn't. He stayed with me, when you ran away." She took a deep breath. "We had as happy a life together as we could, considering the circumstances. I wouldn't trade a moment of it for anything."

Not for the first time, he felt a pang of jealousy. Then he realized just how unfair it was of him to feel jealous of his metacrisis. After all, it was the life he had pushed the other man into. He was an all-knowing Time Lord. Meddling in people's lives was his most enduring hobby. He pushed the wave of self-loathing aside and focused back on Rose. "I'm glad he had you."

"Me too. But now I have nothing. Well, that's not true. I'm trying to build something. It's why i'm working with Jack and the Torchwood crew. I'm trying to rebuild my life and I can't do that with you in it."

"Why not? I don't understand, Rose." He was getting frustrated. What was he missing here?

She leapt up and paced in front of the bench. "Because I can't afford to lose myself in you again! I loved you so much and all you did was push me away. On the Game Station and at Canary Wharf, you sent me away without even asking me if that's what I wanted. You brought Mickey onto the TARDIS just as we were getting closer and then you left us on a spaceship to go play with Reinette! You would give me just enough to keep me going... hand-holding and bone-crushing hugs, dazzling smiles and flirtatious banter... Then, I lost you and I worked like hell to get back. I traveled across countless parallel universes to find you and when I did, you couldn't wait to get rid of me! You couldn't even grace me with a decent response when I asked you what you meant to say the first time we said goodbye. 'Does it need saying?' Are you fucking kidding me?"

He stood up and opened his mouth to respond but no words came out. He swallowed and tried again. "Is that what you thought?"

She rolled her eyes and threw her hands in the air in exasperation. "Of course it is! How could I think any different?"

"But, Rose! How could you ever doubt how I felt?" he asked, honestly shocked that she didn't know how deeply he cared for her.

"I always doubted how you felt. You never said. You never could even show me properly. Honestly, Doctor, what did you expect? Well, I can take a hint."

"No! But don't you see? That's not it at all! Rose, I always..." He trailed off, working his mouth ineffectually.

She raised a neatly groomed eyebrow at him. "Always what, Doctor?" When he was unable to respond, she sighed. "Exactly. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have things to do. Please, Doctor. Let this be the end of it. For both our sakes."

With that, she turned and walked off, leaving him dumbstruck for the second time in a week.

Chapter 5

Chapter Summary

A lot of introspection in this chapter, but we get a look at what the Doctor and Rose are thinking after their meeting in the park and this nicely sets up the action that is to follow...

The Doctor had followed Rose after she took off from the park. Of course he had, because he couldn't just stand by and watch her leave again. He'd kept a good distance, employing the considerable skills at stealth he'd honed over the years to keep her from noticing him. It was only a few blocks before she entered a three-story building where he assumed her flat was located. He made note of the location and which window he saw her walk in front of moments later.

He didn't even know why he was doing it, to be honest. After all, she'd been perfectly right. He had never done right by her, not really. He'd made a mess of things over and over again. In the past, he could always count on her to stay by his side and forgive his multitude of sins. Obviously, things were different now. He'd made a right mess of things. He'd always felt he didn't deserve her and it seemed like she finally agreed with him.

What he should do was return to the TARDIS and leave. He should fan off to parts unknown like he'd always done in the past and do his best to forget her, like she'd requested. He would be lying if there wasn't some small part of him that wanted so badly to do just that. There was a small buzz of panic at the back of his skull. His feet nearly itched to run. Because if he pursued this further, there would be no more running. He was thick but he wasn't that thick. For better or for worse (and right now it was looking like worse), certain things were going to have to be addressed and he knew it would be uncomfortable.

But it was ROSE. Anyone else and he would have taken the hint. He'd made it on his own without her for so many years and instead of making it easier to be without her, the time only seemed to make it harder. And any chance to get her back, now that he knew more about her life now and knew she no responsibilities to anyone else, he was going to pursue it.

He pushed open the doors to the TARDIS and shrugging off his long coat, tossed it over a pillar. Plus there was the puzzling issue of Bad Wolf. What had happened to her when she had taken in the Time Vortex? He'd thought he'd absorbed it all out of her back on the Game Station but maybe some had been left behind? That or it had already altered her biology by that point. He wouldn't know until he could run some tests on her. And to do that he'd have to get her back to the TARDIS. His medbay had all the equipment he'd need to check her out properly. But how could he convince her to come? After that episode in the park, she wasn't likely to be to open to him.

He slumped down onto the jump seat and ran his hand over his face. He'd kissed her. He'd had his arms around her and felt her hands in his hair and he'd well and truly kissed her. Thinking back on it, he had to wonder what had been holding him back years ago when she had traveled with him. The sheer weight of all the wasted time between them caused his hearts to ache.

The kicker was, of course, that he didn't know if he'd get a chance to duplicate the experience. Or expand on it. She seemed quite determined to push him out of her life. He had a better idea now of why, but he still couldn't help but wonder what he was missing. What hadn't she told him? What had given her that broken expression in her eyes?

He pieced back together what he knew. She wasn't aging, she had outlived her family and the metacrisis. Torchwood took an interest in her and... it sounded like they had captured her. Had they tortured her? Experimented on her? He repressed a shudder at the thought. She'd gotten away and had run until she found a Time Agent who could help her cross the Void. Then she'd come to this time.

He was pretty sure that was the story, but it didn't fully explain why she was so set against him. Or did it? Was he being thick again? He recalled her bringing up all the times he had pushed her away, let her down, broken her heart. He groaned in frustration, pushing his hand through his hair.

One of the greatest regrets of his extremely long life had been leaving her on that beach in that parallel world. He'd had her in his arms and the first chance he had he had pushed her away very deliberately. For what purpose? She had wanted to be with him and he had wanted her there with him, more than anything. But the metacrisis had come along and he'd gotten himself wrapped up in ideas of duty and sacrifice and doing what was best for everyone but him. It was one of those things that sounded better on paper than in practice. He'd cursed his decision mere hours later when he was alone in the TARDIS; no Donna, no Rose, no anyone.

Since that horrible day, he'd come across a handful of solutions for traveling across the Void. And oh, how he'd been tempted. He'd come as close as programming in the coordinates a couple times before talking himself out of it. He had convinced himself that she was living happily with his metacrisis self and if he popped up, he'd be a third wheel. He envisioned having a glimpse of them together and the surge of jealousy he felt at just the idea had been enough to draw him up short. And then he'd wondered what would happen if he did show and she did want to come with him. Could he break up their relationship just because he was a selfish git? So he hadn't acted on his impulses. He'd figured it was what he deserved for making such a horrible choice to begin with.

Now, seeing her again and holding her again just made him want her with him even more. He wondered very briefly if he wanted her as his companion or... as something more. He launched to his feet, growling. He couldn't think about that right now, he couldn't let his mind go _there_. He was well used to shunting such feelings and emotions aside, after all. He had years of practice, him.

Then there was the question of what was going on with her physically. It still unsettled him that he hadn't noticed anything off with her timeline sooner. Now that he knew, obviously, he could see the way time shimmered around her. Had he been so busy trying to ignore how he felt about her before that he hadn't noticed something right in front of his face? What kind of rubbish Time Lord was he, anyhow? He needed to know what was going on and if she was in any danger. Even if she wanted nothing more to do with him, he would not relent on that.

That settled it. He turned on his heel and strode back to the doors of the TARDIS, grabbing his coat on the way and throwing it on. He wasn't nearly ready to let this go.  
***

Rose sat on the sofa in her flat, trying to read a book by one of her favorite authors but her mind wasn't on it at all. She finally set the novel aside and rested her head in her hands. All she could think about was the Doctor. The very thing she was hoping to avoid was happening and she was so scared. So scared.

She wanted to maintain her distance and her objectivity and her reason. But when had she ever been able to maintain reason around him? Ever since she met him, she had been lost to him. She had been pulled irrevocably into his orbit and even being sucked into a parallel universe and then sent back there again hadn't been able to change that. Even being married to his other self hadn't been able to change that.

Oh and didn't that just make all of this all that more strange? How did she separate the feelings for the two men? Because surely she must. And somehow... she knew she could. Her Doctor, the one who had stayed with her for the entirety of his human life... he was a different man. The two Doctors had started out so much the same that it had made her head spin trying to understand it. Then, the more time that passed and the more their lives evolved into the realm of the domestic, the more he changed. It wasn't a bad thing. She had loved him with all her heart and she still ached whenever she thought of him.

He had been gloriously human. And after several years, though she continued to call him Doctor, he had been an entirely different man. He still talked a mile a minute and loved bananas and wearing Converse and had an amazing sweet tooth. But he was also so much more open and affectionate and vulnerable. He had a calmness and a softness that the Time Lord had never been able to quite manage. He hadn't been afraid to open his heart to her, to show her the pain he kept inside of him and letting her help him heal. She'd seen him sick with the flu and he'd taken care of her when she'd succumbed a few days later. She'd watched him age, the grey hair coloring first at his temples before spreading all over that wonderful head of his. And even as he'd wrinkled and grown more frail in front of her very eyes, she'd never stopped loving him. She'd seen the pain in his eyes, had known he hated her having to watch him wither and die, but she had treasured each and every moment with him and had told him so.

This Doctor, the Time Lord, was a much different man. He was in constant motion, moving at the speed of light and dazzling everyone around him. He was also closed and complicated and troubled. He was damaged. He'd told her once that she had made him better but she wondered how much she'd actually been able to do for him. She had to wonder if she wanted to even think about going there. Because, a small part of her worried that maybe she wasn't in any shape to be fixing anyone. Maybe, just maybe, she needed fixing herself.

And besides... had he ever done anything but break her heart? If she had an eternity left to live, did she want to do it with her soul ripped to shreds? Was there even enough of a heart left to rip to shreds? Did she even want to risk that there was?

Because, as this afternoon had made abundantly clear, she was still drawn to him. Good lord, she had kissed him. Though, thinking back, she's actually pretty sure that he kissed her first. Which was... interesting. But not near as interesting as the kiss itself which had effectively set each and every one of her nerve endings on fire. Obviously, she was attracted to him. She'd been married to his other self for decades, after all. She knew what he looked like undressed. And wasn't that a weird thought? She knew him intimately, in a way, but he didn't have the same knowledge of her. A smile curled at her lips. That was an advantage she hadn't considered before.

She shook herself free of the notion. It wouldn't do to indulge in such thoughts. She was already weak enough to him as it was without letting her mind wander... _there_. She checked her watch and saw it was about a half hour before Jack was due by to pick her up. She should be getting herself ready instead of brooding about the Doctor. She got to her feet, intending to go into her en suite and take a quick shower. But before she could take a step, there was a knock at the door.

Could Jack be early? That certainly wasn't like him. She crossed the room to the door and pulled it open. There, standing on her doorstep, was the Doctor.

Chapter 6

Chapter Summary

This is another much needed conversation between the Doctor and Rose and the tension between them is amped up. On the plus side, they are finally making some progress.

Yet again, many thanks to my lovely beta, Kelkat9. And a HUGE thank you to six on LJ for the beautiful header she made for my story!

SPECIAL_ . -REPLACE_ME

 _She checked her watch and saw it was about a half hour before Jack was due by to pick her up. She should be getting herself ready instead of brooding about the Doctor. She got to her feet, intending to go into her en suite and take a quick shower. But before she could take a step, there was a knock at the door._

 _Could Jack be early? That certainly wasn't like him. She crossed the room to the door and pulled it open. There, standing on her doorstep, was the Doctor._

"W-What are you doing here?" Rose sputtered.

"I don't think we're done talking yet," the Doctor replied. He gestured past her. "Aren't you going to invite me in?"

She ground her teeth together as she stepped aside to allow him to enter the flat. Typical. _He_ decided they weren't done so they weren't. Didn't he know how infuriating that was? She watched him as he stepped into the living room, looking around interestedly at her things. Admittedly, there wasn't much.

"Do I even want to know how you found out where I live?" she asked, not bothering to keep the tired note out of her voice.

"Probably not," he murmured, picking up the book she'd set aside earlier and inspecting the spine.

She pressed her lips together in a thin line. She was disturbed to discover she was having to physically restrain herself from crossing the room to his side, from reaching out to touch him. She cleared her throat discretely. "Can I get you something to drink?"

He turned to her then, smiling easily, as if this were just any other social call. "I'd love some water," he said.

Rose tore her eyes from his with some effort. "Be right back. Make yourself at home." She hurried to the kitchen where she pulled a couple of glasses from the cupboard. She set them on the counter and then leaned against it for a moment, steadying her breath and trying to control the shaking she felt in her arms. She took a few more breaths and then pushed off the counter and filled the glasses with water from the filtering pitcher she kept in the fridge. She returned to the living room with them in hand.

The Doctor was sitting on the sofa, leafing absently through the book he'd picked up before, and looking for all the world like he belonged there. Her heart lurched painfully as she handed him his water. He smiled up at her, thanking her before taking the glass and having a long drink. She moved past him and sat on the sofa, making sure she pressed herself up against the armrest at the far end and therefore wasn't in danger of making contact with him.

He leaned forward and set his glass down on the coffee table (no coaster, she noted peevishly) before turning towards her. "I'm not just going to walk away, Rose. I can't."

Her mouth twisted, the feeling in her chest oh so bitter. "You did before."

"Do you think that was easy for me?" he asked, his voice so soft. She searched his eyes with hers, startled to find his expression as open as she had seen it that first time on Bad Wolf Bay so many years ago. Back when he'd burnt up a sun for her.

"I don't know what to think. You've never been one to give me clear signals." She sipped at her water before setting it down, pointedly sliding a coaster underneath it first.

"It's not easy for me, Rose. I don't make a habit of... this." He gestured between them and she knew that was likely as specific as he was going to get.

She inched forward on the sofa. "Okay, so you're rubbish with relationships. How does that in any way excuse dumping me off and leaving? You didn't even say _goodbye_."

"I'm not saying that was my finest moment," he muttered. "I thought I was doing the right thing. I wanted you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted."

"But that doesn't mean you get to make all my decisions for me. Whatever it was you felt for me, it still didn't give you the right."

He was looking at her, an almost comically confused expression on his face. "Wait, what? What do you mean 'whatever it was I felt for you'? Rose, you know how I felt. How I still feel."

She would _not_ weaken. _She would not weaken._ "Oh no, you don't. Don't you try to distract me."

His eyebrows shot up into his fringe.

"And don't give me that look either. I'm serious. You have a very bad habit of making my decisions for me, especially when it matters the most. You treat me like I'm some sort of stupid ape who can't be trusted to know what to do."

The Doctor looked offended. "I have _never-_ "

She cut him off. "You _always_. You say you're doing it for my own good, but you're still removing my free will. Well, I've got news for you. I've lived over a hundred years without you, making my own decisions. And I've done just fine, thank you."

He was silent for a few long moments, staring at a spot on the carpet. "I only ever wanted to keep you safe and happy. I couldn't bear..." His voice broke, catching on that last word. She watched him curiously. If she didn't know any better, she would say he was actually upset.

"Couldn't bear what, Doctor?" she pressed. She had to know now.

This time when he met her eyes, tears were shining in his. He _was_ upset. What in the world? "I couldn't bear the thought of something happening to you. Or, of you being upset. Whatever I did, I did to protect you."

He seemed determined to press this issue. Well, then. "But _why_?" The upshot here was that maybe if she pressed the issue right back, it'd be enough to scare him off. "Is this some fatherly protective instinct?"

He raked a hand through his hair, causing it stand up even wilder. "You know that it's not _fatherly_." He practically spit the word out.

She nearly growled in frustration at his inability to put a voice to his feelings. But she pushed that aside to confront later. Right now, she had a more pressing concern. "Tell me you would be here, right now, arguing with me about all this if it weren't for the Bad Wolf. Tell me you wouldn't have left me alone if I weren't practically immortal."

That seemed to draw him up short and he looked at her, stunned. "Rose..."

"Because, I think the only reason you aren't running for the hills already is because you know now that you won't have to watch me wither and die." She bit out the last bit, not bothering to hide her venom. And from the look on his face, he remembered that conversation outside the chippy all those years ago as well as she did.

"You're not right... but you're not wrong either," he finally said. She rolled her eyes. That was almost typically vague.

"Well, why don't you spell it out for me?" When he didn't speak, she softened her tone. "Please. I'd like to know."

"Of course I'd be here if you were still... human, still had a human's life span. You're _Rose_ and you're important to me." She flushed at this and turned her head so he wouldn't see. No weakness, not now. "But you aren't human, not anymore. And I can't be satisfied until I have a chance to check you out for myself."

She looked back at him and raised an eyebrow. "Check me out?"

"On the TARDIS. The medbay there is fully stocked with the best testing equipment available. I want to run some complete scans on you, find out what exactly is going on with your physiology. I won't feel comfortable that it isn't somehow hurting you until I can see for myself."

That made sense. And yet, she found she was also disappointed. Why on earth would she be disappointed? _You want him to want you back_ , a little voice in her head whispered. _Shut up,_ she told the bothersome voice.

She nodded. "Okay."

"Okay?" He looked surprised.

"Yes, okay."

"Wow, that was a lot easier than I anticipated." He smiled at her tentatively.

She returned the smile. "I guess I can still surprise you."

"There was never a doubt of that, Rose Tyler."

"This doesn't mean anything," she said. She was a little surprised to find she was reluctant to define exactly what "anything" encompassed. She'd learned far too much from the Doctor on how to compartmentalize emotions, it would seem. "Letting you run the tests, it doesn't..." She trailed off, unsure how to finish that sentence.

He didn't say anything, just frowned at his hands. She found she was intensely curious about what he was thinking. She barely stopped to remember that she shouldn't wonder what he was thinking at all. She should want him gone, out of her life and out of her flat.

"I'm not the same, you know," she said at last, breaking the silence.

He nodded slowly. "I think I've figured out that much."

"Seriously though. I'm not even close to being the same Rose you knew back before Canary Wharf. I don't even know who that girl is anymore. She is a stranger. So if you want me back in your life because you miss her, you are barking up the wrong tree."

He leveled a gaze at her. "Rose, this is familiar territory for me. Believe me, I know. And I don't think you've changed that much. Who you are deep inside, that's still the same."

"But how do you know that? You can't possibly know that!"

"Give me a chance? I'd like to find out. I'd like to know you, how you are now."

Damned infuriating man. Was there anyone else in the multiverse who could take the wind out of her sails so effectively?

She took a deep, steadying breath. "You broke my heart. I had many, many years with nothing else in my head than the memory of how you broke my heart. Do you know what that did to me?"

"I think I'm seeing what it did," he said softly, sliding across the sofa to her side. "But I thought you said you and... him... were happy?"

"We were. We had each other and we helped each other. But I'm talking about after he was gone. When things got... bad."

He touched her arm hesitantly. "Will you ever tell me what happened to you?"

She looked at his fingers at her elbow, those familiar, long digits of his. "Maybe. Someday." As soon as she said, she realized the implication. That she wouldn't be pushing him away from her, at least not permanently. He seemed to realize it too and she could see him visibly relax, sinking into the sofa cushions.

"The thing is, Doctor," she said, clearing her throat nervously, "I have to live for lifetimes now, and I can't do that if my heart breaks again."

He gave her a wry smile. "You'd be surprised, Rose. You think you can't go on, but you do. You think you won't want to, but something comes along and you keep going and all the while your soul is in shambles. Believe me, I have been there."

She blinked. She understood for maybe the first time why he had imposed such harsh rules on himself and why he had limited their relationship. He was trying to protect himself. "You can't shut everything and everyone out though, can you?"

"No, not everyone." His eyes darkened as he watched her, causing her heart to pound a little harder. She didn't need to be told he was referring to her.

"We had a great life, you and I, all those years ago. But I don't think I can go back to that, Doctor. I'm not the innocent shop girl that I once was."

"I know you're not," he said.

"I know you have rules that you set for yourself. I know you limit your relationships and for very good reason. I get that. But I don't think I can sign on for more of the same with you. Please, don't ask me to."

His brow furrowed. "I don't think I understand, Rose."

"I told you once that I loved you." She struggled not to avert her gaze and watched as he nodded at her, his eyes sober. "I know you can't... do more. You once said you don't do domestic. I just don't think I can live my life like that. I have to look out for myself now, despite what my heart might want."

Silence fell over them and she looked away, feeling uncomfortable. She couldn't bring herself to look at him, knowing if she did she might fall to pieces once and for all. What on earth had happened to all of her carefully crafted defenses? She stood up from the sofa and moved towards her room. He could let himself out.

A hand reached out and grabbed hers. He stood next to her, so very close. "Oh Rose," he breathed. "There's so much I-"

He was cut off by a sharp knocking at the door. Jack. She'd completely forgotten that Jack was coming to pick her up. The Doctor released her hand and she crossed the room to answer the door.

Jack breezed in like he always did, full of dash and bravado. He saw the Doctor and drew up short. "Doctor," he greeted stiffly.

"Jack," the Doctor returned.

The men seemed to be communicating nonverbally and she didn't have the patience to try to figure out about what.

"You ready, Rosie? You aren't going dancing dressed like that, are you?" Jack finally asked, looking her up and down. The Doctor visibly bristled.

"I'm sorry, Jack. I lost track of time... I'll just be a minute." She excused herself and retreated to her room. She prayed they wouldn't try to out-man each other in her absence as she hurried into the en suite to take a quick shower.

Chapter 7

Chapter Summary

The Doctor tags along when the Torchwood team goes clubbing. What did he think would happen when he saw some bloke dance with Rose? Also: I envision Katy Perry's "E.T." as the song playing in the club... but feel free to replace with whatever song strikes your fancy.

Thanks again to Kelkat9 for her fantastic beta-ing and advice servies, the gals at the BWR chat for urging me forward when I got stuck and to six for the beautiful banner!

SPECIAL_ . -REPLACE_ME

Rose sat quietly at the table that Torchwood had commandeered in the corner of the nightclub, running her finger across the rim of her martini glass as everyone around her laughed and joked. Everyone that is, except for a certain Time Lord who sat across from her, sipping his banana daiquiri and watching her with dark eyes. He had insisted on joining the team on their night out at the club. Jack had raised an eyebrow at her when the Doctor had invited himself along back at her flat, but had otherwise said nothing about it. The three of them had piled into Jack's black Torchwood SUV and the Doctor had chattered amiably the entire ride over, which she had appreciated. She was getting awfully tired of talking.

And now, she was studiously trying to ignore the weight of the Doctor's gaze on her. He'd been staring at her ever since she had stepped out of her bedroom, dressed in her finest club-wear. The abbreviated skirt and glittery halter top weren't leaving much to the imagination and she expected to get looks by wearing it. After all, that was the outfit's purpose. But the way he was looking at her was making her skin heat and her fingers tremble as she lifted her martini glass for another sip. Of course, maybe that was just the alcohol since she'd already had three of these things already.

Gwen, Ianto and Jack didn't seem to notice the added tension at the table and were laughing about one of their latest cases. Rose wanted to join in, but her tongue felt heavy in her mouth. She had to get some distance from the Doctor, before she did something drastic. Like reach across the table, grab him by his striped tie and snog the life out of him.

She hopped down off her seat and grabbed Gwen's arm. "Let's dance!" she yelled, over the pounding music. Gwen grinned back and waved her fingers at the boys, joining her.

They made their way through the pulsating crowd to the dance floor. Rose often joined her Torchwood team when they went clubbing, probably about once a month. It was always a brilliant way to work off the stress of the job. And right now, Rose had a definite surplus of stress.

The bass was thumping, the bodies around them writhing and bouncing to the beat and she and Gwen easily found the rhythm as they started to move. Lights strobed around them, all the colors of the rainbow. The air was thick with the smell of sweat and perfume and human attraction. In the midst of this crush of throbbing humanity, Rose felt she could finally let go and be herself.

Gwen nudged her a moment later and gestured over Rose's shoulder. She glanced over to see Jack and Ianto dancing nearby and she grinned at the pair of them. Jack grinned back as he gripped Ianto's hips, the two of them moving to the beat of the song. She wondered momentarily if the Doctor was sitting back at the table by himself before telling herself that she didn't care if he was.

She closed her eyes, letting the music take over. She raised her arms over her head and swiveled her hips, the pounding beat vibrating through her skin. She let go and just _danced_ , all of the tension falling off her shoulders.

A moment later, she felt a hand on her hip. She opened her eyes and saw that a pretty, if unremarkable, bloke had taken up position at her side. She smiled at him and kept dancing. She wasn't really interested in having a partner tonight, but as long as his hands didn't wander and he didn't expect too much, it might be fun to feel desired for a little while. He danced behind her, his movements somewhat uncoordinated but still able to keep up with her.

A moment later, though, his hand was wandering upwards, under the edge of her already brief halter top. She swatted at him, flashing him a warning look. He moved the hand back to her waist obediently, but a moment later, he was pulling her flush against his body. She was well used to such unwanted attentions, however, and put her hands on his chest to push him away. Before she could, however, the errant lothario was being pulled roughly away from her. Rose blinked in confusion as she saw the Doctor shove the other man to the ground and fix him with a glare that caused her heart to stumble in her chest. The other man skittered away, mumbling apologies and she felt her irritation grow. Just what did he think he was doing?  
***

The Doctor barely noticed Ianto and Jack get up from the table. His eyes had been glued to Rose since she'd walked out onto the dance floor with Gwen. If he were honest with himself, he'd been watching her since he saw her emerge from her room wearing such negligible and scandalous excuses for clothes.

He'd always found Rose attractive. Looking back, he quite literally couldn't remember a time when he hadn't admired the way she looked. Even before he developed feelings for her, on that first day he met her when he was all leather and anger, he had known Rose was a beautiful woman. And, it would appear, time had been very kind to her. She was leaner now than she had been in those early days, but her body still curved in all the right places. Rassilon help him, he noticed every delicious curve and every tantalizing peek of creamy white skin. And tonight, with the pheromones floating in the air of this confined space and the pulsing beat of music, he was noticing more than ever.

His mouth went dry as he watched her writhe to the beat of the music. He wondered how in the universe this could be considered _dancing_ and in the next minute, decided he didn't care. Her hips were swiveling, the fabric of her skirt straining and riding up even higher on her thighs. As she lifted her arms, the halter top rode up her torso until he was almost sure he was going to get even more of a show than was already on display.

Sweet mercy. He swallowed the rest of his daiquiri without even looking at it. He wasn't even sure he tasted it. He was 100% focused on one Rose Tyler.

Then he saw some slack-jawed bloke peel himself out of the crowd of dancers and walk up to Rose. Instantly, he was on alert. He watched as the guy put his hands on her, his own fingers twitching with the urge to wring this guy's scrawny neck. Rose didn't seem to mind, however. At least, not until his hands got a little too friendly, drifting up underneath the edge of her halter top.

He got to his feet then, ready to surge forward and peel that overly styled lothario off of her.. He watched Rose slap the wanker's hands away and he paused, until he saw the guy suddenly grab her hips and pull her roughly against him.

He shot across the room and was at Rose's side in an instant. In a matter of seconds, the other man was on the floor. The Doctor hovered over him, fixing him with his best glare. He felt satisfaction at seeing the man's face pale as he stuttered and scrambled to his feet, disappearing back into the crowd.

"What is the matter with you?" Rose growled at him.

He turned to her, surprised. "Me? He had his hands on you!"

She rolled her eyes. "So what? Lots of guys put their hands on me. I know how to handle myself."

He stepped up to her. "I'm not going to stand by and watch you be man handled. You shouldn't be dancing with idiots like that anyhow."

She sighed but then looked up at him, her expression considering. "What about dancing with idiots like you?"

Clearly, she expected him to back off. He could see it in the teasing light that danced in her eyes. He could smell the alcohol on her breath and knew she was probably more than a little drunk. Even he was feeling the affects of his drinks, the daiquiri being the latest in a long line of them, and it took quite a bit for him to feel at all intoxicated. He knew logically that her semi-drunken state was probably the reason for her being so... open with him. Even knowing that, he found he couldn't resist. He'd been resisting for too long.

"Best idea you've had all night," he murmured, stepping even closer before her, his body brushing against hers as he started to move with her in time with the music.

Surprise flickered in her eyes before she started to move with him, raising her arms to link her wrists loosely around his neck. He rested his hands on her waist, curling his fingers around to brush against the waistband of her skirt. Music surrounded them, pounding and urging. He smelled her arousal and the scent filled his nostrils, coaxing his desire to life. Her skin glowed in the dim, flashing light and there was so much of it on display before him that it made his head spin. The beat changed and she shifted to compensate for it, rubbing up against him in a most distracting way. If he didn't know any better, he'd say she was calling his bluff. Two could play that game.

He brushed one of his hands up her bare back, grazing her spine before coming to a halt at her neck, his fingers playing with the tie for her halter. Her skin was so much warmer than his, scorching almost. His other hand traveled down, cupping her rear and pulling her hips forward to meet his. He didn't miss the sound of her gasp over the pounding music as she felt the undeniable evidence of his desire for her and he grinned. She felt absolutely marvelous.

The grin melted off his face in the next moment as he felt her hand reach down between them to palm the front of his trousers. The sensation of her hot little hand through the fabric on his already excited flesh only served to compound the issue. He was pretty sure that moan he just heard had come from him. His hips jerked towards her unconsciously and it was her turn to grin at her own success. Minx.

She was still leering as she reached up and took hold of his tie. She turned and walked towards the exit, leading him along like a puppy dog. Some distant part of his brain objected, insisting he was a Time Lord and not someone who could be pulled around by his tie like a pet. But then, she smiled at him over her shoulder, her tongue touching her teeth in that way that never failed to drive him crazy, and that distant part of his brain shut right up.

Outside, she dragged him around the corner of the club and into a darkened alley. It was dank to be sure but at that moment he doubted he would care if it were crawling with Daleks. Rose released his tie and pushed him against a wall. He had only a moment to be startled at her aggression and to feel the sensation of the cold bricks at his back before she was on him. She grabbed his head and dragged his lips down to hers in a searing kiss.

She pressed herself up against him, her fingers twisting in his hair and he couldn't help but respond to her. She felt amazing, pressed against him, hips wiggling, pulse racing. He plunged his tongue into her open mouth, tasting the alcohol from her martinis and that quintessential _Rose_ flavor that he found he was craving more and more of. He swept his tongue over the roof of her mouth and felt her buckle against him in response. He grabbed her, pulling her securely against him with one hand gripping just underneath her bum. Her hips rocked into his, the sensation traveling up his spine like fireworks and causing lights to burst behind his closed eyes.

He wanted her. Right here, and right now... in this dirty and semi-public alleyway, he wanted her. The desire coursing through him was unlike anything he'd ever felt before. But he still retained enough of his higher thought processes to realize that he didn't want the first time he had her to be in a dirty and semi-public alleyway. This wasn't right and it wasn't the right time for them. There was far more air that needed to be cleared first. Plus, a small voice in the back of his head added that he wanted to be sure she was seeing him and not his metacrisis. That one thought was like a bucket of cold water. Reluctantly, he put his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her back, breaking the kiss.

Her eyes were half-lidded and dark. She was breathing in short gasps, just like he was. She stared at him, her gaze turning from lustful to... was that hurt?

"Doctor, what- why did you stop?" she finally asked, her voice hoarse.

"Rose, this isn't a good idea... We can't-" he began, stepping back. A second later, her palm made contact with the side of his face.

Her eyes snapped angrily, glittering in the dimness of the alleyway. "We _can't_?" she growled at him. "Why, because you don't do _that_? Is it just with humans or is it with anyone at all?"

He swallowed back his own rising desires in the face of her anger and her hurt. Obviously, she was misunderstanding him here but he was at a loss as how to set her right. "Rose, no. You don't understand."

"I think I understand perfectly," she said, adjusting her top and skirt and smoothing her hair. "You don't want me, but you have absolutely no trouble being a possessive prat to anyone else who so much as looks at me."

His mouth fell open. This was not good. "No, Rose. That's not it. Not at all."

"Spare me. If you'll pardon me, I think I'm done dancing for the night." She moved to walk back into the club, hurt and embarrassment radiating off her like a living thing.

He grabbed her arm, probably more roughly than he wanted to. He couldn't let her get away without explaining. "Rose. Listen to me." Something in his tone caused her eyes to snap to his. "It's not that I don't want... _this_. And it's not that I don't want you. I want you, so so much. If you only knew how much, you would never suggest otherwise. I don't want our first time, the first time you share yourself with me, to be in some dark, dirty alleyway." He paused and took a small moment to appreciate the complete shock he saw on her face. "When we make love, _and we will_ , it will be some place where we can take our time and where I can show you exactly how much I desire you."

She was still staring at him with her mouth hanging slightly open. He took the opportunity that her speechlessness presented to lean down and press his mouth to hers. He coaxed her lips with his, brushing his tongue against them briefly before pulling back. "I'll see you tomorrow, at the TARDIS. I need to run those tests," his said, his voice filled with dark passion, his eyes gazing hotly into hers before he turned away.

She still stood there stunned and staring after him as he walked back into the club.

Chapter 8

Chapter Summary

Does the Doctor regret pushing Rose away? And will we finally get some answers about what Bad Wolf has done to her? Also: he has an important question to ask Rose that could change things for them.

Thanks again to kelkat9 for her beta services and to six for the beautiful banner!

SPECIAL_ . -REPLACE_ME

The song playing on the radio in Jack's SUV was grating on his nerves. Actually, everything was grating on his nerves. The song, the way Jack was driving, the way the traffic lights seemed to always work against them, the way the his trousers fit... The Doctor was on edge. He didn't have to wonder long at why, either. It was Rose. It was always Rose.

Back at the club, Rose had been hesitant to look his way as she'd asked Gwen for a ride home. She claimed she'd had enough drinking and dancing for the night and was feeling tired. Gwen had agreed and the girls had left moments later. The Doctor had asked Jack for a lift back to the TARDIS and now here they were. And he was feeling distinctly... frustrated.

He knew why he had pushed Rose away back at the club, but he was starting to second guess his motivation. Maybe, he really was just a ridiculous old man with ridiculous romantic ideas. Rose had been in his arms and very _willing_ and he had told her no. What on earth was the matter with him? And now, he was buzzing with all that unspent anticipation and frustration and completely taking it out on Jack's SUV.

He punched at the buttons on the radio, trying to switch stations or find another song or _something_ but nothing was getting the job done. He growled angrily and started pushing more buttons which only made the air conditioning start to blast and the sunroof start to open.

Jack batted his hands away from the controls and shot him a glare. "Listen, I know something happened between you and Rose back there at the club and you're out of sorts about it, but can you not trash my car?"

The Doctor sat back in his seat with a huff, glaring at the car in front of them.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"It might make you feel better."

"I somehow doubt that."

Jack chuckled. "I know a frustrated man when I see one, Doc. I can put two and two together and come up with my own story."

"I think you're imagining things."

"So you're saying I imagined the two of you grinding together on the dance floor then?"

He cringed. _Caught_. "I wouldn't have thought you would notice. You were doing your own grinding, if I recall."

"True enough. But I am an observant sort of guy and that didn't look like a particularly... chaste sort of dance you two were enjoying. When she pulled you out of the club so fast, I was sure we were going to be without your company for a while. Pity I was wrong."

The Doctor shoved a hand through his hair, expelling a frustrated breath. "Yes well, never let it be known that I'm not a fool."

"You mean you put the brakes on? Not her?" Jack's voice was filled with disbelief.

"I'd really rather not talk about this with you, if that's okay."

The other man whistled, low and long. "Wow, Doc. I mean... wow. I thought you told me you regretted letting her go. You said you wanted to fight for her."

"I do," he insisted. Once again, he felt a stab of regret for pushing her away in that alley. Dark and no doubt dirty it was... what had he been _thinking_?

"But you pushed her away? She wanted you... _Rose_ wanted you after everything and you pushed her away? Are you out of your mind?"

"Probably," he grumbled.

"Can I ask why?"

"No. I have my reasons and I'm not going to share them."

"But do you want her?"

"Jack..."

Jack pulled the SUV to the curb. A few yards away, near the entrance to the park he'd met Rose at earlier that day, sat the TARDIS. Jack turned off the engine and turned to him. "Listen, Doc. She's my friend, one of my _best_ friends. When she first came to me here, after she'd traveled through the Void, she was hurting. I promised I would look out for her. I don't want to see her get hurt, even by you. Maybe, especially by you. So when I ask you if you want her, and I mean as more than just your tag-along, I'm asking for a very good reason."

He grimaced and the surge of annoyance and jealousy he felt as Jack's words warred unpleasantly with the already existing frustration in his system. "I'm not going to hurt her. Not again." He really didn't want to go on, he didn't want to have to tell _Jack_ his intentions. Particularly, when he hadn't even really had that discussion with Rose herself yet.

Jack studied him for a minute as if trying to decide something. Finally, he spoke. "She was plenty angry when she came back to the table. Yet again, you have your work cut out for you."

"Tell me something I don't know."

"At the end of the day, Rose is a woman and women don't like to feel rejected."

"I wasn't rejecting her!" he protested.

"She's humiliated, Doc. She feels rejected and embarrassed and is probably fairly pissed at you. What's your plan for getting back into her good graces?"

He blinked as he thought. Plan? He's supposed to have a plan? Oh, bugger. "I don't have one."

"You need a plan. You seeing her again?"

He nodded. "Tomorrow. She's coming to the TARDIS so I can run some tests on her to see what's going on with her physiology."

"That's good. Ask her to come on a trip, on the TARDIS, just the two of you. Take her some place pretty, some place relaxing, some place _safe_. If that's even possible for you." Jack gave him a sharp look and both men chuckled. He had to admit his track record on avoiding danger wasn't the best.

"Do you think she'd agree to it?"

Jack shrugged. "I don't think she could resist, honestly."

The Doctor was encouraged by this. He felt that nagging frustration start to ebb. He stuck a hand out for Jack to shake. "Thanks for the ride, Captain."

Jack accepted his hand and gave it a quick pump. "No problem, Doc. Good luck."

He got out of the car and strode towards the TARDIS, already formulating what he wanted to say to Rose to convince her to come with him.  
***

The Doctor was not watching for Rose. He was not staring at the monitor that displayed the outside of the TARDIS waiting for her arrival. He most certainly hadn't been staring at the monitor for the last fifteen minutes watching for her either. He was just... thinking. And unless you had your eyes closed, you had to look _somewhere_ when you were thinking, right? That's all it was. He was just thinking.

Thinking about Rose. He sighed and shifted on the jump seat but didn't take his eyes off the monitor. He could topple regimes, solve impossible equations and save entire species but when it came down to knowing how to handle one Rose Tyler, he was at a loss. It seemed like nothing he said to her anymore was the right thing. He had to find the right thing to say to her, to convince her to come with him on a trip like Jack had suggested. Maybe, if he could remind her of their old life together, she would be open to letting him back into her life.

And maybe he could get her to open up more about her life. He knew there were things she hadn't told him and didn't want to tell him. He could see the pain and suffering behind her eyes. It spoke of something infinitely worse than simply losing her entire family. And did he ever hate that he could tell the difference. The mere suggestion that Rose might know the difference too made something shift angrily inside him.

Movement on the monitor snapped him out of his fog. There she was, just walking up to the TARDIS. It was a cool morning so she was wearing dark denim trousers tucked into leather boots that came nearly up to her knees and the same long silvery trench coat she'd worn to the park the day before. Her dark hair was loose and whipping around her face in the morning breeze, making her look young and vulnerable. She wrapped her arms around herself against the chill and looked at the TARDIS, a most inscrutable look on her face. She looked absolutely amazing. He hurried to the doors and opened them for her in greeting, barely resisting the urge to pull her into a tight hug.

"Good morning," she said, briskly. She was looking anywhere but at him and he noted the spots of color on her cheeks. He remembered what Jack had said last night about her being embarrassed. Was she she embarrassed still?

"Good morning," he returned, smiling at her even though she refused to look at him. "I'm so glad you came. How about a cuppa?"

She relaxed a little and nodded. She followed him to the galley where he gestured for her to have a seat while he bustled around, preparing the kettle and retrieving cups and tea bags. She sat at the table, quietly studying her fingernails. She still wouldn't look at him. He swallowed nervously.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked, trying to start a conversation if only to dispel the uncomfortable silence that had descended.

"Could have slept better," she muttered. He didn't think she'd meant for him to hear her, maybe she'd forgotten how sharp his senses were. Still, he cringed a little. That confirmed it. The episode at the nightclub was still very much an issue.

"What was that?" Playing dumb was always a safe bet. He was good at it too. Lots of practice.

"Fine. I slept fine."

"That's good to hear." Rassilon, what was he supposed to say now? Oh well, may as well jump in while the water was warm. "Listen, about last night..."

"You don't need to say anything."

"But I do." Leaving the water to heat in the kettle, he sat down next to her. "Rose, look at me, please."

She lifted her eyes to his and he saw her hurt there. His gut twisted.

"I meant what I said to you last night. I'm not rejecting you."

Rose licked her lips nervously and he found his eyes riveted to the action. "Oh."

"And I also meant when I said that it would happen. I think we both know that now, don't we?" He brought his eyes back to hers.

Rose gave him a stern look. "You sound very sure of yourself."

"That's because I _am_ very sure of myself."

She looked decidedly less sure, but more relaxed than when she had arrived so he took that as a hopeful sign. Now was probably not the time to be pressing the issue anyhow.

He smiled at her and stood to finish preparing their tea. He handed her a cup and gestured for her to join him as they walked to the medbay.  
***

He was efficient and thorough in the medbay. He knew what scans and tests he wanted to run and went about his work quickly and efficiently. He kept a demeanor of professionalism, which she appreciated especially in light of the conversation they had just gotten finished having.

She had been _more_ than a little drunk the night before, and while that might account for some of her impulsiveness, it certainly didn't account for the lust. No, that was definitely already there. She had wanted him so badly and it had seemed like, _felt like_ , he wanted her too. The crash back to earth when he pushed her away had hurt, and it had hurt even more because of all her doubts about her and about _them_.

But, according to him, he did want her. He was just being practical, as always. Was there ever a time when that man wasn't practical? She wondered if he ever lost control... if he ever could. If she could ever make him lose control. That was definitely food for thought.

He was right though. There were more things they needed to discuss before they could even think about exploring that kind of relationship. She might want him, but she wasn't sure she trusted him. She wasn't sure she trusted him enough to tell him all that he wanted to hear. Maybe what she needed was time. Oh, the irony.

They were sitting in the library now, her on the sofa and he in the wingback chair, poring over printouts from the tests he'd run on her. She leaned back, kicking her feet up onto the table and staring into the ever-present fire in the fireplace. She was reluctant to admit it, but she missed relaxing in here. The library had always been one of her favorite rooms on the TARDIS.

"Well," the Doctor said, sitting back in his chair and slipping his specs off his nose. "At least it doesn't appear that Bad Wolf, whatever it is, is affecting you negatively."

"I probably could have told you that," she muttered, inspecting her fingernails. "I've been living like this for quite a while now, after all."

He cleared his throat and set the printouts aside. "You know I had to see for myself. Don't tell me you're surprised?"

She smiled a little at that. "No, not surprised at all, actually."

"Your blood work is interesting though. Your cells are... different."

"Compared to what?"

He looked at her, startled. "Compared to a human's. Well, I suppose that's to be expected. How many humans stop aging and live on and on and on? Not a lot, I wager. No, what's interesting is how different they are from, well, from _anything_ really. I've seen a lot of species, come across many different mutations and I've _never_ seen anything like this. You, Rose Tyler, are unique."

"That's me in a nutshell. Unique." She grinned fully, her tongue touching her teeth before she could catch herself. She noticed his eyes flick to her mouth at the movement. "So this was all caused by Bad Wolf? Why didn't we notice anything... before?"

He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "This was definitely caused by looking into the heart of the TARDIS. Even though I removed the Vortex from you, I think the changes were already in effect. And I'm going to hazard a guess that the changes took years to finalize. What would be obvious to us now, probably wasn't so obvious at the time. Still, there's no excuse. I should have investigated, done the scans and the blood work."

"Why didn't you?"

"I... I think I was... scared. I'd changed and you were nervous with me at first. I was so worried you would leave. You were important to me, Rose and I was still grappling with the reality and the implications of that. And I was so distracted by you and our adventures and the rattling in my own head that I didn't think about it. I should have thought about it. What if it were dangerous? What if something had happened to you and I could have prevented it but by being careless I lost you?"

"You lost me anyhow." He was being frank with her, and she appreciated it. But it had been too long and too much had happened to just smooth it all away.

His mouth pressed into a thin line. "That I did. I know the first time wasn't so much my doing but the second time... Oh, Rose. Do you know how many times I regretted that?"

She swallowed thickly. She didn't know, as it happened. But hearing it made something warm stir in her heart. "Do you regret leaving him too? It wasn't just me that you left there, you left him too."

He was silent for a moment. "That's a tough one. I don't know, Rose. The metacrisis... nothing like that had ever happened before. I honestly didn't know how to handle him. He was me and no one knows me like I do. He made me nervous. Could I have stood to have both of you here on the TARDIS with me? I don't know. Because being me, I know how he felt about you. And... I'm not good at sharing." He looked at her, his eyes dark and it reminded her of the look on his face the night before when he had shoved away her would-be suitor.

Rose chuckled breathlessly. "I've kind of noticed but Doctor, he missed this life and he missed the TARDIS so much it made him ache and I ached for him. We didn't have it easy there at first. Both of us were so hurt. It took us time to learn how to come together to deal with our pain. And I know it would have been easier for him if he hadn't been cut off. Can you imagine being suddenly separated from the TARDIS for the rest of your life?"

"Oh," he said, his eyes going wide. "I hadn't thought about it that way, I guess. That would be... difficult."

"Yes, it was. He never got over it, but it did get better. I helped him. And he helped me. Doctor, regardless of what happens from here on out, I will keep on missing him and loving him. He will always have a piece of my heart."

He nodded, but looked a little sad at her words. "I realize that. It's only normal that you would feel that way. And really, I should be okay with it. I mean, he was me after all. I suppose I'd be disappointed if you didn't honor his memory. I just... I hope there's room for me in there, somewhere."

She cleared her throat nervously. "There, uh... there might be. I don't know. I was so..." She paused, thinking. "You were... Let's just... take it slow and find out, yeah? It's been a long time, Doctor. I just need to be... sure."

That was the crux of it. Once upon a time, she had loved the Doctor with ever fiber of her being. She'd been so young and so naive and her preconceptions about love were so childish. When she fell for this incredible alien, she learned what love truly was and how it could change a person and make them grow and make them better. It was a heady experience. Then, to be ripped apart so cruelly and have to pick up the pieces to live a life was so much more horrible than she could have ever anticipated. It was thoughts of him and how he wanted her to live her life that propelled her forward. By the time she made her way back to him across the Void, she was so much different than she'd been at nineteen. But she was no less in love with him.

Still, now that she could look back, she knew she had still been so naive. She'd been careful not to have too many expectations about what would happen when they were reunited, but in a million years she'd never have dreamt he would have taken her back to the parallel universe. Oh god, how that had _hurt_. And while she had the metacrisis Doctor with her and she did come to realize he was the same man and had the same feelings, she doubted the original Doctor's heart. The metacrisis Doctor had told her that he loved her but maybe that was the human-ness in him. In her pain, she had convinced herself that the Time Lord Doctor hadn't felt as strongly for her as she did for him and that the metacrisis Doctor had loved her the way he did because of his human side. She hadn't been able to justify his being able to leave her behind otherwise. How could you do that to someone if you loved them to the depths of your soul? How could you do that and continue to live?

And so her resentment had grown. She had cherished her years with the metacrisis Doctor and his love for her had been a balm on her soul. But when she'd realized her new status in life and that she would not age and die along with him, that resentment for the Time Lord Doctor had only grown. He had done this to her. He had been careless with her life and he had abandoned her and the metacrisis Doctor. And then, when she had been alone and later when she had been captured by Torchwood, that resentment had only festered. Her bitterness and the warped remembrance of the man she had once loved so very much had grown and twisted and burned. Torchwood had played that up, oh yes they had. Remembering now, she shuddered visibly.

Once she had escaped, she began to heal physically as well as mentally. She'd had time to do so, after all. Crossing back over to the proper universe had helped, the ache in her diminished some. Her anger no longer burned but rather simmered. And now... she never would have imagined all those years ago that she could actually sit here with him in the TARDIS and feel okay with that. It hadn't even been a week's time yet and now she felt... what? What did she feel? That was what she needed to find out.

The Doctor was watching her closely, looking for hints at what she was thinking she was sure. She wondered what all he had been through since that day on Bad Wolf Bay. She hoped he would tell her.

"I have an idea, Rose and a question to ask. And, I hope you'll say yes."

She raised an eyebrow. "What is it, Doctor?"

"Come with me. Let's take a trip, on the TARDIS. It can just be one trip. Or, however many you want. Let's go somewhere and maybe even find some trouble and just have some time to see if… well, just to see." He seemed so honestly eager that it tugged at the corners of her mouth until she was smiling at him.

"That sounds like a good idea, actually. Let's do it." And in that moment, she had hope.

Chapter 9

Chapter Summary

Rose has agreed to take a small trip on the TARDIS and the Doctor is determined to make it wonderful. But, as always is the way, reality intrudes.

Thanks again to kelkat9 for her beta services and to six for the beautiful banner!

SPECIAL_ . -REPLACE_ME

The Doctor paced restlessly in the console room, trying not to shove his hands through his hair every few minutes and failing miserably. Waiting for Rose to wake up was torture. It was an emotion he remembered all too well. There were times, back when they traveled together, that he would get impatient and end up bouncing into her room and cheerfully demanding she wake up so they could begin their next adventure. He didn't feel he had the right to do that now, of course. Their relationship was tenuous at best and he didn't want to do anything to upset her. But oh, the waiting was killing him.

She'd agreed to come, had packed a quick suitcase and called Jack to tell him where she was going. He actually hadn't seen her much after she'd returned to the TARDIS yesterday afternoon with her things. She'd disappeared into the ship and he'd thought it better to let her explore and reacquaint herself. He hadn't wanted to smother her. She'd told him later as they ate dinner together in the galley that she'd found her room, the same as it was back in the day. The look on her face had been priceless when she'd related to him the state she'd found it in. He had reminded, just a tad smugly, that she had been fairly slovenly as a girl. She assured him that she'd made quick work of it and had asked the TARDIS to maybe replace some of the pink with a more mellow hue. It had caused him a momentary pang to think of that room not looking the way it had for over a hundred years now. He'd often gone to her room to think, to feel closer to her. But perhaps, if all went well, she'd make that room her own now and maybe, _just maybe_ , she wouldn't be leaving. He pushed that distracting thought out of his head. It wasn't helping with his patience.

He was desperate for this trip to work. For Rose to find something with him again, even if it was just friendship. Now that he had found her again, he didn't think he could let her go. He'd done far too much of that in the past. He had a chance now to fix his greatest mistake and hoped beyond all hope that he didn't bollocks it up.

Perhaps working on the TARDIS would help keep him distracted. Maybe he could fiddle with the astrosextant rectifier a little, see if he could improve the TARDIS' accuracy. After all, it wouldn't do to promise Rose he could bring her right back to 2012 London and then bring her back a year later. Or a continent away. He wasn't sure she'd quite forgiven him for the first time he brought her home a year late. Jack had also made him promise to be back no later than a few days from when they left. Then again, maybe if he fiddled with the rectifier he could inadvertently _reduce_ the accuracy. It wouldn't be the first time his fiddling backfired on him and he didn't really want to tempt fate. Plus, the TARDIS had been acting strangely since they'd departed London the day before and perhaps now wasn't the best time to be making any changes.

The Doctor was still debating this when he heard a soft sound from behind him, like the clearing of a throat. He swiveled around to see Rose standing in the corridor, not only awake but dressed and ready for the day. She wore as casual an outfit as he'd seen her in yet, jeans and a jumper. Save for her dark hair, she almost looked just like she had all those years ago.

Her being up this early, and ready to go, was... unexpected. The Rose he had known would have slept in and then shambled around in her jim jams until he urged her to go get ready. She then would have fixed him with a cranky glare and perhaps stuck her tongue out at him before slumping off to her room to dress. He wasn't about to complain though. He was very, very glad to see her.

"Good morning!" he greeted her, a broad smile on his face. She returned the smile, though a little more hesitantly and not near as warmly.

"Where are we?" she asked, walking over to him with her hands jammed into her jeans pockets. "Or should I ask, when are we?"

"Nowhere, at least not yet. We're still in the Vortex. Wanted to wait until you were up. I wasn't expecting you for hours yet!"

"I don't sleep as much as I used to," she told him, arching a perfect eyebrow. Ahh. That made sense. The Doctor was going to have to try harder to get used to the fact that Rose was... _different_. It was already proving to be something of a challenge.

"Well, are you ready? I have the perfect planet picked out. Maloria Prime... beautiful weather, friendly inhabitants, amazing beaches, _great_ restaurants. The sky is the most amazing shade of periwinkle blue, the sand can only be described as being _orange_ , and the birdsong has actually been known to make grown men cry, it is so beautiful. There might not be a lot of trouble to be had, but I thought maybe it's better we ease into it." He winked at her.

"Sounds like the perfect place." She smiled and this time it looked genuinely happy. He felt a thrill at the sight. He could go for years on the power of that smile alone. "I can't wait."

"Brilliant!" He turned around to input the coordinates, silently pleading with his TARDIS to take them to the right time and place. He stroked the console and felt a sense of... wrongness. He couldn't put his finger on it. He just hoped it was nerves and not something more. This trip _had_ to be right for Rose.

"Have you had anything to eat yet?" she asked him.

"No, I haven't," he admitted. He didn't want to tell her that he had been waiting for her. He didn't want to come across as desperate.

"How about I fix us a quick breakfast? Don't want to start an adventure on an empty stomach."

He turned back around and smiled at her. He had missed the way she had always wanted to prepare their meals and had fussed over whether he had enough to eat. It wasn't mothering, exactly, but it was definitely familial in nature. "That's a great idea. Lead the way!"

They had just started towards the corridor when the TARDIS shuddered violently. The Doctor reached out to catch his balance on a strut and saw Rose sway unsteadily on her feet. "What in the-" He was cut off by a sharp jerk that threw him against the strut he'd been holding onto. It was a miracle he wasn't knocked off his feet. Rose, on the other hand, fell to the grating like a ragdoll.

"Rose! You okay?" He yelled over the sound of the TARDIS alarms. He ran over to the console and reached it just as there was another jerk followed by a rattling tremor. He gripped the console tightly and checked the readouts on the monitor. Oh, not good. Not good at all. He slammed the lever up, stopping their motion and parking them back in the Vortex. The ship shook to a stop and then was eerily quiet.

He glanced over at Rose, who still lay on the grating. He had to check on her. But he had to make sure the TARDIS wasn't going to shake apart into a million pieces first. What he wouldn't give to be in two places at once. First things first, he thought as he ran a quick diagnostic. The results from the diagnostic popped up on the screen, flickering and wavering but no less obvious. The TARDIS was sick.

The Doctor ran over to Rose's side and knelt down next to her, feeling her pulse at her neck with his fingers. There it was. A little on the thready side, but it was there. She seemed to have been simply knocked out. He wasn't taking any chances, however, and lifted her into his arms. He carried her to the medbay and laid her on the bed she'd sat on just the day before when he'd run his tests. He hooked her up to a few monitors and once he was sure she was stable, he brought up the diagnostic results on the monitor in the medbay so he could figure out just what was going on with the TARDIS.

It was definitely an illness. A... bacterial infection, it looked like. Where had that come from? The Vortex? What was the last planet he had stopped before coming to Earth last week? Rylion... wasn't it? Yes. He'd stopped there to pick up some parts he hadn't been able to find anywhere else. He tapped a few keys on the computer next to the monitor and brought up information on Rylion. He'd been there in the... 35th century. Yes, definitely 35th as Aproxis IV was the King during his visit. He searched the archives of Rylionian history and... oh. There it was. 35th century and an infestation of virulent bacteria. It hadn't affected him, obviously, but then with his superior physiology he rarely picked up bugs while traveling. And this didn't look like your average bacteria... certain life forms would be crippled with it (in some cases, fatally) and others wouldn't be touched. It would appear that TARDIS were on the list of the more easily infected.

The Doctor quickly looked up cures and found a good list of possibilities. Unfortunately, most of them weren't viable for a TARDIS because while the old girl was definitely organic in nature and certainly sentient, she wasn't an actual being he could give a pill to. He had to find something else... ah! There it was... arctic therapy. He'd just have to find a frozen planet, open up the external vents, turn off the atmospherics inside the TARDIS and he and Rose could find some place toasty to wait for the bacteria to be killed off. Healing would take a week, maybe a little longer. Simple enough. Plenty of frozen planets and several that were very close, which was a good thing given the state of the TARDIS right now.

He dashed to the console room and input the coordinates for the nearest frozen planet and with a hearts-stopping shudder, the ship stirred to life and the rotor started to grind and off they went. He ran back to the medbay. He needed to see if he could stir Rose. They would need to pack up some supplies and prepare for a little detour to their travels. He hoped she wouldn't mind the change in plans. Frankly, he thought she should rather expect it by now. This wasn't her first rodeo, after all.

He found her much as he had left her, except her breathing seemed more shallow than before. His brow furrowing, he picked up a scanner and ran it over her body. What he saw caused him to stumble back. She was sick... like the TARDIS was. But she hadn't been with him on Rylion. Could she have caught it from the TARDIS itself? But no, this bacteria didn't affect humans. What was it then? He scratched his head in confusion.

The TARDIS landed with another violent shudder but what the Doctor noticed was Rose shuddering in near perfect sync with the TARDIS. As the ship settled and stilled, so did she. That was... interesting. Interesting and not good. It appeared that she was, inexplicably, tied to the TARDIS. At least her well-being was. He stopped pacing the medbay for a moment as his mind raced. The Heart of the TARDIS. The Time Vortex. Bad Wolf. Rose was linked to the TARDIS. Her life was the life of the TARDIS.

Oh, it made so much sense! He slapped himself in the forehead. Why hadn't he thought of that before? Well, he knew why. Nothing like this had ever happened before. But then, nothing like Rose Tyler had ever happened before. That was his girl, unique. He paused. His girl? He was quite sure she would argue with that sentiment. If she were able to at the moment. Which she decidedly was NOT.

He ran a quick scan of the planet. Celapra, it was called. As luck would have it, there was a settlement just over the rise from where the TARDIS had landed. It wasn't much, just a cluster of buildings. He supposed it was probably a mining colony or something similar. It was probably rather austere, but all they needed was some place warm to call home for the duration. Some place where he could make sure Rose got better.

Supplies. Right. With Rose out of commission, the Doctor was going to have to carry her. Which meant he was going to need to pack light. Hopefully the settlement he had seen on the scanner had access to shopping so he could purchase food and anything else he'd be unable to pack into a knapsack. He wasn't going to be able to return to the TARDIS until the infection was cleared up, which made things a little more complicated.

He found a knapsack and packed a few supplies from the medbay that he thought might come in handy for helping Rose to recuperate. He also grabbed a portable tablet so he could keep tabs on the status of the TARDIS. He hurried to Rose's room and found the suitcase she had packed the day before. It was considerably larger than his knapsack and too much for him to carry with both her and the other knapsack so he found a few changes of clothes and toiletries and shoved them into his bag. He stopped by his room and only picked a few essential items. He could always wear his suit and freshen it with his sonic as needed. He stopped by the console room to turn off the atmospherics and open the vents before hurrying back to the medbay to collect Rose.

The Doctor pulled the knapsack onto his back and lifted Rose into his arms. She wasn't terribly heavy and he couldn't help but notice again how she'd lost weight from the time they'd traveled together. He would be able to carry her the short distance with ease. It was already cooling off rapidly inside the TARDIS. He took one last look around as he walked through the console room and walked out the doors and into the sparkling white frozen landscape.

Chapter 10

Chapter Summary

In this chapter, the Doctor helps Rose return to health while they are temporarily exiled from the TARDIS

Thanks again to kelkat9 for her beta services and to six for the beautiful banner!

SPECIAL_ . -REPLACE_ME

Rose slowly blinked her eyes open and was aware of weak, filtered sunlight dancing across her face. The next thing she was aware of was a dank, musty smell... like her grandmother's attic. Back when she had a grandmother. The third thing she was aware of was a deep throbbing ache. The ache was all through her body from her head down to her toes. Her skull pounded, her throat burned, her chest felt like an elephant was sitting on it. Her arms and legs felt like they had weights attached to them. And her skin prickled unpleasantly, alternately burning hot and then freezing cold.

It felt like the worst cold of her life. And she'd been alive for a _long_ time.

"Unnngghh..." she moaned, unable to form any more coherent sentence than that. Where _was_ she? There was no sunlight on the TARDIS... had the Doctor noticed her getting sick and taken her back to London? Why couldn't she remember? What _was_ the last she remembered? She pushed through her memories and settled on the moment something had gone wrong in the TARDIS. There'd been shaking and jolting and then... hmm. She moaned again as a fresh wave of agony rebounded between her temples.

"Rose?" a hopeful voice called out from somewhere to her left. She tried to turn her head to look but a stab of pain in her neck had her gasping.

"Doctor?" she croaked. It felt like someone had taken sandpaper to her throat and she vowed not to speak again like that unless absolutely necessary.

She felt his hand slip into hers and it felt ice cold. He normally did feel cooler than her, but now it felt as though he'd been submerging his fingers in a bucket of ice and it felt good. Suddenly, she was aware of just how warm she felt. Even her eyes felt hot.

"Shhh," he murmured before he set his other hand on her head. Again, she felt comforted with the sudden coolness of his hand caressing her forehead. Suddenly, she wanted more of that coolness anywhere she could get it. It felt like... relief. "Oh Rose, you're burning up!" He took the hand off her forehead and she heard the rustling of fabric as he rooted in one of his pockets.

She heard rather than saw the sonic as he buzzed it over her head. "39 degrees... no that won't do at all. Hold still a moment." He withdrew from her for a moment and she moaned at the lack of his cool touch. He returned with a syringe in his hand which he then used to administer an injection into her exposed arm.

"Whuu..." she murmured, not quite able to form the words to ask what he'd just injected her with and not wanting to raise her voice any more than she had to either.

His hand slipped back into hers, the other returning to her forehead. She sighed with relief. "It was some medicine to help try to bring your fever down some. We don't want it getting too high, but your body does need some fever in order to help fight the infection," he assured her.

She sent him a questioning look and he smiled gently at her, smoothing her hair across her forehead with his fingers. "The TARDIS is sick and... you're sick too. Her illness is affecting you."

Her brow furrowed and he smoothed the creases with his thumb. "She picked up a bacterial infection at my last stop before London, apparently. Nothing terribly serious but she needs to recuperate. I've got us parked on a planet while she undergoes some arctic therapy and does a little of her own healing. I found us a place to stay, an abandoned house in a village near where I landed the TARDIS."

"Why... we're not in TAR-" she gasped before dissolving in a fit of coughing. He rubbed her back as she curled on her side.

"We can't stay in the TARDIS. I'm basically having to freeze her out... we landed on a frozen planet named Celapra and I'm letting her draw from the planet's ice to freeze out the bacteria that's infecting her. Of course, that means the temperatures inside are currently somewhere around -50 degrees and that's far too cold for us. Especially, since you're sick yourself."

"Thank you," she whispered.

He smiled at her again, his hand cupping her cheek. "I'm happy to take care of you, Rose. There isn't anywhere else I'd rather be."

She licked at her lips, finding them cracked and dry. "How long?"

"We've been here for a day so far. I figure we'll be here at least a week. It'll take you that long to recover fully, I'm guessing. No worries, we'll be fine here. I've even gone to the shops and picked us up food and some basic supplies. We're all set."

She smiled at him. He was doing all of this and taking care of her and he wasn't running for the door. She was amazed, never thought he had it in him. She'd convinced herself for all those years that he ran from any sort of domestic responsibilities. But here he was, doing the shopping and nursing her back to health. Her heart tugged painfully.

"Thank you," she whispered again, reaching up to touch at the side of his face and feeling her eyelids drift closed.

"You need some rest. Try to sleep," he murmured, and she felt his lips brush her forehead as he leaned forward. Her last thought as consciousness fled again was how right it all felt.  
***

Seeing Rose feeling like this was doing awful things to his hearts. The Doctor was keeping her comfortable as best he could, monitoring her symptoms and making sure she didn't get any worse. She could barely stay awake while fighting this fever, so he felt rather like a fireman waiting for the alarms to sound. As soon as she would stir he would be on the job, trying to get her to sip broth or checking to see if she needed to use the loo or asking if she was uncomfortable (she always was).

What surprised him the most was that he was happy to be doing it. There had been times in his life, in past regenerations, when he would have run screaming for the hills rather than be tied down to a dinky little cabin taking care of a sick female for any length of time. And now here he was, mopping her brow and brushing his lips across her knuckles and reading aloud from Shakespeare's sonnets to her and there was no place in the universe he would rather be.

That was because it was _Rose_. He was fairly certain he wouldn't have wanted to do this for anyone else. With her, his itchy feet were somehow less itchy. The more time he spent in her presence, the more couldn't imagine going on without her. It made him a little nervous, since she was obviously far from certain about letting him back into her life. If she decided to shut him out altogether, he didn't think he could just accept that graciously at this point. He would definitely fight for her if he had to but he was hoping against all hope that it wouldn't come to a fight. Fighting Rose was not what he wanted to be doing. Far from it.

He sat by her bedside, brushed her hair from her cheek and hoped.  
***

She drifted in and out over the course of the next several days, never sure when she was awake or when she was dreaming. Colors swirled, sometimes dark and muted, sometimes painfully bright and vibrant; day and night, night and day. The one constant was _him_. He was always there in her dreams and in reality. Most times, she found him sitting in a rather uncomfortable looking chair next to her bed. Sometimes he would be reading, sometimes he would be dozing with his head fallen back and mouth hanging open, but most times he would be holding her hand and watching her face with his expressive eyes. Sometimes he would speak to her, ask her how she was feeling, give her an injection, help her drink some tea or eat some crackers or just babble to her about some species of plant he'd been thinking about and how it had the ability to emit sparks every fourth month during the full moon. The sound and timber of his voice soothed her. The touch of his hand on her brow and arm and cheek grounded her.

It felt like she had drifted on the waves of her fever for ages. One day, Rose woke up and felt... better. She didn't feel any where near 100% yet, she still ached everywhere and her limbs were weak with misuse, but she no longer felt out of her head. That was a very good thing. She reached her arms out over her head, testing how it felt and stretching out her stiff back muscles. She was definitely feeling weak and sore but movement wasn't an unreasonable thing any longer. She struggled to sit up and a moment later the Doctor was at her side, supporting her back and settling another pillow behind her for her to lean against.

"Feeling better?" he asked brightly. He smiled hopefully at her and she noticed he looked extra rumpled. There were circles under his eyes and he was sporting some rather uncharacteristic stubble on his jaw.

"Much," she said, pleased to discover that her voice was not as hoarse as it had been. Sitting up, she took this first opportunity to look around at her surroundings.

"I'm so glad," he told her, his eyes crinkling as he smiled.

They were in a one room stone building. She could see windows on each of the four white walls. Milky sunshine shone through a window next to the door casting dim shadows against the pale wooden floor. There was only the one bed, small as it was, that she was currently occupying. There was a sofa sitting against the wall opposite her bed, next to a low bookcase filled with books. There was a serviceable kitchenette complete with a basic table and a couple of chairs in the one corner and in the other, a narrow door that led to what Rose could only assume was the en suite. Judging by the dimensions she could make out, she didn't imagine it contained more than a simple toilet, sink and bathtub.

The dwelling was spartan at best but seemed to get the job done. A squat fireplace was located at the foot of the bed, a fire crackling merrily away in the grating and it seemed to be putting out a significant amount of heat. The Doctor had pulled over a chair from the kitchenette and was sitting next to the bed, much like he had been sitting there for however long she had been out of it.

"How long was I out of it?"

He hummed. "Three standard Earth days, two hours, fifty three minutes and thirty-two point four-five seconds."

"Three days? Good lord, what did you do all that time? You must have been bored out of your mind!"

"Nonsense, I had plenty to keep me occupied. Plenty of books here to read plus I was taking care of you. You required constant monitoring, you know."

She flushed. "I haven't been that sick in... God, I can't remember the last time I was that sick. I don't seem to get sick much anymore."

"Well, this was no ordinary bug. And I don't know if you remember me telling you, but you got this through the TARDIS. She got ill so you got ill. I think you're linked to her through Bad Wolf."

"I do remember something about that. So what does that mean exactly?"

"I think it means that you share a lifeforce with the TARDIS, on an organic level that is. Obviously, if the TARDIS needs a general repair or something mechanical breaks on board, it won't affect you. But if something interferes with her organically, it will affect you too."

She chewed on her lip, considering. "Can the TARDIS die?"

He stilled and looked at her, his expression sober. "She will, some day. But they live a long, long time."

"As long as you?" she asked curiously but with hint of something else lingering in her voice.

"Well, my TARDIS is already a pretty old girl." He winked. "But I figure if I take good care of her, she'll live at least as long as me."

Rose smiled then. "I don't think I'll be likely to complain about any maintenance from here on out then." Then she realized what she'd said and how it sounded. She darted a look at him and saw his own eyes wide.

"Sounds like maybe you're thinking of sticking around," he said, smiling.

"Try not to read too much into it," she replied dryly.

He chuckled.

Suddenly, she realized she had a pressing need. She shifted herself, sitting up more and moving her legs to the edge of the bed. She had to go visit the en suite. She realized she'd get to see if it looked like she was imagining.

"What are you doing?" he asked, sounding alarmed. He grabbed her upper arm to steady her.

"I need to visit the loo, Doctor. Is that alright?" She wasn't used to having to run things like this by someone else for approval and it rankled her nerves.

"Here, let me help you." He pulled on her hand, trying to help lever her off the bed.

She snatched her hand back peevishly. "I can do it myself." She touched her feet to the floor and pushed off the bed in one swift movement. Her legs wobbled and she would have gone crashing to the floor if the Doctor hadn't caught her around the waist.

"Yes, I can tell," he said and she could actually _hear_ his smirk. "I'll just help you into the en suite and then leave you your privacy. You shouldn't be afraid to ask for help when you need it, Rose," he quietly chided her.

She bit back a grumble as he helped her walk the short distance to the en suite. Her legs felt like jelly from the fever and laying in bed for so long. Truth be told, she was rather glad for his assistance. He pushed the door open with his free hand and she saw that the interior was just as she imagined it to be. Definitely nothing exciting. He walked her in and she grabbed at the edge of the sink to support herself.

"Thank you," she said earnestly. "You know, I think I might take a bath while I'm in here."

He turned and found a pile of towels in a low cabinet next to the tub and handed one to her. "And there are some shampoos and things there on the floor next to the tub. I took a bath myself just this morning. Very refreshing."

"Thank you again. I'm sure I'll feel so much better after I get clean."

"Holler if you need help," he told her, backing out of the room and shutting the door.

Using the sink for leverage, she took care of her pressing business before getting wobbily to her feet once more. She shuffled carefully to the edge of the tub, grasping the edge while she turned the knobs and started to fill the tub with water. She sat gingerly on the edge while she waited for the tub to fill and she started to think about the last couple of days. A horrible thought occurred to her. Surely she'd had to use the loo sometime in the last two days. Had he taken her to the bathroom and... oh god. It didn't bear thinking about. But she felt her cheeks flame at the thought. The worst part was she wasn't sure the idea of her wetting the bed was any better. Or, maybe he'd used a catheter... oh sweet mercy. God help her.

Moments later, the tub was full and she began to remove her jim jams. That's when she had another thought. _How_ had she gotten into the jim jams in the first place? She groaned. Did she have no dignity left at all? Of course, on that score at least they were tit for tat. She remembered dressing him in Howard's jim jams that Christmas oh so many years ago. Of course, if she took the metacrisis into account, she'd seen everything and _often_. She just needed to remind herself of that when embarrassment over the "loo issue" threatened to loom in her mind.

She slowly eased her legs into the water before lowering the rest of her body. The water was just on the hot side of too warm and it felt glorious on all her sore muscles. She groaned loudly and then flinched as the sound echoed off the spartan walls in the en suite. She soaked for a while, enjoying the way her limbs loosened up and felt stronger already. She wiggled her toes above the surface of the water. Then she quickly slipped down, submerging her head for a moment before popping back up. She reached down to grab a bottle of shampoo and squeeze out the contents into her palm. She noticed it was her shampoo from the bag she'd packed for the trip in the TARDIS. She grinned at the image of the Doctor not only packing her things for her but of him using her shampoo when he bathed.

She washed her hair quickly and efficiently and rinsed the suds out. It was always awkward washing hair in a bathtub, especially when you didn't have someone to help. She flushed at the memory of baths taken with the other Doctor, her husband. He had loved to wash her hair in the tub, letting the strands slide between his fingers. He'd been particularly good at giving scalp massages. Not for the first time, she wished she had him here with her.

Oh but wouldn't that be awkward? Three's a crowd and all of that. Still, she couldn't help but wish for her husband's familiar and affectionate presence. She knew that the Doctor could be that for her... it even almost seemed like he wanted to be that for her. The only problem being she wasn't sure if she trusted that he did. She sighed. Definitely complicated.

The water was beginning to cool so she reached down and pulled the plug to drain the tub. She gripped the edges of the tub and attempted to lever herself up enough to get her legs underneath her. Her arms shook and she slipped back down. Rats. She just simply didn't have the upper body strength right now. Which meant... she needed help. When the water finished draining out of the tub, she reached out to grab the towel the Doctor had handed her. She did her best to wrap it around herself, hoping to protect whatever modesty she might have left. She sighed before calling out, "Doctor!"

The door burst open nearly before she'd finished his name. Had he been waiting on the other side of the door? No, not creepy at all. She stifled a smile.

"Rose, are you okay? What do you need?" His eyes fell on her and the wild, almost afraid, look left them only to be replaced with another look. A very different look.

"If you're through leering at me, I could use some help getting up out of the tub," she said through gritted teeth, trying to keep her blush at bay. She knew that look and that was the problem.

She didn't know what she expected in reply. Probably a stammered apology followed by his hand shoving through his hair or perhaps scratching at the back of his neck complete with averted eyes. What she didn't expect was an amused chuckle. "Yes, ma'am," he said, walking over to the tub and carefully grasping her under her arms. She clutched at her towel as he lifted her to her feet easily and held onto her arm as she stepped gingerly out of the tub. Okay, maybe not so much like her husband then. How had she forgotten his confidence?

"You think you're so impressive," she muttered, not even thinking before she spoke.

"I _am_ so impressive," he replied easily, walking her over to the bed and easing her down to a sitting position. He kneeled before her, smiling warmly. It was a smile she found all too easy to return. This, she had to admit, felt right.

He reached over, grabbing the knapsack and handing it to her. "There's a clean pair of jim jams in there. Do you, ah, need help?" He cocked an eyebrow at her, grinning.

Again she had to fight a flush. And a crazy part of her really wanted to say _yes_. "I'll be fine," she assured him. He stood up and gave her a mock salute.

"I'll just... step out for a minute then." He walked into the en suite and shut the door. She let out the air she'd been holding in her lungs. Defying all expectation, it would appear she definitely still had it very bad for that man.

Chapter 11

Chapter Summary

As Rose recovers, she and the Doctor take advantage of a valuable opportunity to talk about some important things. This is a longer and heavier chapter overall and some potentially disturbing themes are discussed.

Thanks again to kelkat9 for being the best beta in the WORLD and to six for making me such a lovely banner!

SPECIAL_ . -REPLACE_ME

The Doctor leaned back against the en suite door and fought for some control. He hadn't had this problem the last three days while he'd been caring for her, why now? Well, he had a pretty good idea if he really wanted to admit it to himself. She was feeling better and was more herself and at the end of the day, no matter how gorgeous her body was (and _Rassilon_ was it ever), it was always just _her_. He could see the light in her eyes again and that was more attractive than anything else.

He tried not to think of the sight of her wrapped in that towel and the feel of her warm and damp skin against his as he helped her to her feet. He also tried not to hear the rustling noises of her changing into her jim jams on the other side of this door. None of this was working, of course. He looked at the tub. Right, it was his turn he supposed. He leaned over and turned the taps on, making sure the water was nice and cool.

Thankfully, he was able to calm himself down, get clean, even get a shave in. Plus, solving complex equations in his head always helped in these situations. He should have remembered that little trick from when he had traveled with Rose before. He recalled having to employ it on many occasions back then. Rose had always been his biggest weakness.

He didn't linger because lingering would only lead to his mind wandering back into dangerous territory. He stepped out of the tub and quickly dried off before putting his suit back on. There was a small mirror over the sink and he ducked his head down to try to get a look. He shoved his fingers in his hair, trying to coax it into some sort of style. That was pretty much a lost cause. Sighing heavily, he left the en suite.

Rose was sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing some lotion onto her legs. The pants on her jim jams were rolled up past the knee and this glimpse of flesh (even though it was downright modest compared to what he'd been treated to just a while ago) jolted him and he hurried over to the kitchenette to keep himself from gawking obviously at her. "Fancy some soup? I have several cans here. And some crackers. It's not a gourmet meal but..."

"Soup sounds great, Doctor. Thank you," she said with a friendly smile.

Ten minutes later and they were sitting at the little rickety table with their bowls of soup and a package of crackers between them. Rose sipped at hers and made a grateful humming noise. "I feel like I haven't eaten in days," she told him.

"You haven't eaten much, that's for sure. Some broth here and there. I had to give you a couple vitamin injections, just to be on the safe side." He reached across the table and covered her hand with his. She looked up and met his eyes. "I'm so glad you're starting to feel better."

She returned his smile. "I am too. And though this is a rather inconvenient way to find out. I'm glad we have a better idea of what Bad Wolf is and what it means," she said.

"Knowledge is power," he agreed, popping a cracker into his mouth. "Speaking of knowledge, now that we're stuck here why don't we use this opportunity to talk. I'm very curious about what your life has been like. If you're ready to talk about it, that is."

She nodded slowly, taking another sip of her soup. "Yeah, it's probably time. Just... be patient with me, yeah? A lot of it... it's not easy for me."

"If it helps make it easier, for every question of mine that you answer, you can ask me one and I have to answer. Whatever you want to know," he told her.

She blinked at him, clearly surprised. "Seriously? _Anything_? Are you sure that won't cause the universe to implode?"

He chuckled. "I'm pretty sure. Besides, I have a feeling you already know quite a bit about me. You were married to my duplicate, after all."

He watched as she blushed and he felt his own face heat in response. He wasn't sure if it was liberating that she knew so much about him, had seen him _naked_ in fact and had been intimate with him... or if it was just really embarrassing. He chose not to think about it, if he could help it.

"I'm sure I'll think of something to ask," she said finally. "So shoot. What's your first question?"

"You've already told me that you and he had a difficult time after I... I left you there. But you did come together, just like I hoped you would. You got married, I'm assuming? Were there any... any children?" he asked, almost afraid of what her answer would be.

Pain flashed in her eyes. He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand in what he hoped was a gesture of comfort. "We did get married. It took us a few years to get there. We lived together after Bad Wolf Bay but it was honestly more like roommates than anything else. There was just so much... tension. I was still upset about you and he was dealing with his own stuff and we both clearly wanted... well, you know." She paused and flushed, then plunged ahead. "Eventually we worked that out. And I thought he'd never work up the nerve to ask me to marry him but he did, eventually. Let's see, he worked at the university. Mostly research, though he did take on a few classes here and there. I worked at Torchwood, which he couldn't stand. But I had to, just for my own individuality. And we... we tried to have kids. But we couldn't." Her eyes fell to the table. "We saw doctors and he even ran a few tests of his own. He determined that Bad Wolf had changed me enough that I... I couldn't."

A tear escaped the corner of her eye and he reached up to brush it away. "Oh, Rose, I'm so sorry. I wanted you to be able to have a family. It's part of why I... why I did what I did."

A choked laugh escaped her. "That about sums it up, doesn't it? I felt awful about it, of course. I could tell he wanted children so badly and I stood in the way of that. It almost ruined us. But he wouldn't let me go. He insisted I was more important to him than anything else. And I suppose, given the way my life has turned out, it's best I wasn't able. I would have just had to watch my children die too. I don't know how I could have stood that." Her eyes flicked up to his, measuring his reaction. He remembered once telling her rather obliquely that he had been a father and knew that's what she was thinking.

"It's agony. Losing a child is... the worst sort of awful," he said. In a way, he was glad she had been spared that.

"So now it's my turn, yeah? While we're on the subject... tell me about your family?" She bit her lip as she looked at him and he could tell she wasn't sure if he'd answer or not.

"I would have thought your husband would have told you all about them."

"He told me that he had a wife, a daughter and a granddaughter but he didn't tell me many specifics. It was a... sore subject I suppose. I didn't press because I didn't want to hurt him. But I always wondered," she admitted.

"Did he tell you that Gallifreyan marriages were arranged? That they were mostly non-sexual and non-romantic?" At her nod, he continued. "We had those urges bred out of us, for the most part. The Looms were developed as a way to help breed out our inherent sexual aggression and to encourage... desired traits. So we were married together because of our family's standings in society and the genetics we could contribute to the Loom. It was very clinical. I liked her, my wife, but I didn't ever love her. She rarely stayed at my home, she preferred her own home. She raised our daughter at her home as well. I rarely saw either of them." He felt a rush of shame. "I was a poor husband and father. I was still rather young, by Gallifreyan standards, only a couple hundred years old and I was so immature and reckless. I was already becoming quite a disappointment to the Time Lord society. I refused to be nudged into the role they wanted me to play and it drove them spare. I had no interest in staying on the planet and serving on any councils. And though I hadn't had much connection with my daughter, I grew very close to her daughter. Susan, she was my granddaughter. She was similar to me and I recognized that. We were both restless. It was with her that I stole my TARDIS and we ran from Gallifrey."

She was staring at him, fascinated. He wondered why the metacrisis had never told her all of this. "He did tell me what happened... to Susan. Doctor, I'm so sorry."

Her eyes held unshed tears and he could feel the tears prickling his own. "I guess we both know what it is to lose your whole family now. Rose, I wish I could have saved you from that. It hurts me to know you've had to experience that," he said earnestly.

"It was very hard to watch them all go, one by one, while I remained unchanged." She grimaced. "First it was Pete, then my Mum and then the Doctor. Then, I lost Tony and his family too. I got to where I didn't make any new connections for fear of losing them. And oh, I so understood you then, Doctor. Why you were so careful with your relationships. Why you kept me at a distance. Watching the ones you love fade and die is terrible. But I also learned something else, something I'm not sure you ever really embraced."

"What's that?"

"The loving is worth the pain," she said simply.

Her words fell between them and he looked down to where his hand was covering hers. His unshed tears threatened to spill over and he drew in a shuddering breath. He tried to bring the aching in his chest under control but it was beginning to engulf him. He breathed harder, trying to will himself back under control.

He looked up at her, met her warm honey eyes and felt a tear slide down his face. "Oh Rose, you've found me out. I'm a coward. I've been... so afraid," he said, his voice choking on the last word. His shoulders began to shake as the emotions overwhelmed him. He squeezed his eyes shut, still trying desperately to bring the tide under control but a sob escaped him sounding so raw in the quiet room.

He felt arms come around him, holding him close. Rose. He shifted in his seat, pulling her closer to him, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her soft, dark hair. She moved and settled on his lap, making herself comfortable. She didn't say a word, just held him tight. It seemed that once the floodgates had been opened, he could only let the tears flow until they were spent. He thought of all his lost people, his family, and all his friends over the years. He thought of Rose and how he had lost her and how he had run from her because he was so damaged and guilt ridden that he felt he couldn't possibly ever deserve her.

He became aware that he was actually saying these things out loud when he heard her reply, "Shh... it's okay, Doctor. You know that's not true. You deserve so much... you deserve _everything_."

His sobs slowly ebbed and faded, the emotion spent. Still, they sat silent in each other's embrace, drawing on each other's strength. When he pulled away, he could see evidence of drying tears on Rose's face. He cupped her face with his hand.

"Okay now?" she asked softly, her eyes searching his.

He nodded and mustered a smile for her. "Thanks to you. I didn't even know... I didn't know I had that in me."

"You hold it in so long and you experience so much, it's no wonder. You're very good at compartmentalizing your feelings, Doctor, but even you need a release now and then," she told him.

"How do you do it, Rose?"

She looked amused. "Do what?"

"Make me better. You fix me, when no one else seems to be able to. How do you do it?" he asked, his voice filled with wonder.

"I guess I'm just well suited to the job. Still, I don't know how good at it I can be... I think I probably need some fixing of my own," she said. Her eyes darkened and she slipped off his lap, returning to her own seat. He felt the loss of her warmth keenly.

"How do you mean?" When she didn't say anything, only stared at her fingernails intently, he pressed on. "Rose, won't you tell me what happened? With Torchwood?"

She was quiet for a long time, her expression troubled. And he knew this wasn't something he could force out of her. She had to be ready. He was about to tell her that it was okay, that she didn't need to tell him when she began to speak.

"After my dad died, Tony took over at Torchwood. I worked there on and off, here and there as they needed me. The Doctor was getting older and I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could." She smiled ruefully. "We took a lot of vacations. A lot of adventures, ziplining in the rainforest and hiking in the Himalayas. Tony did great at Torchwood and he really kept up with Dad's vision. But people were noticing me. And it stopped being 'what plastic surgery is Rose Tyler getting to keep her looking so good' and started being 'what is wrong with her, she's a freak'. The Doctor aged and I didn't. And oh, it really bothered him when people started mistaking me for his daughter. And then his granddaughter." She paused and swallowed. "I didn't mind, of course. But he really did. And then he was gone. He didn't want to go, didn't want to leave me. I didn't want him to go, but I knew he must. I got so caught up in my grief, that I didn't see the rumblings going on at Torchwood. I didn't notice the looks I was getting or hear the whispers behind my back. When Tony... died... he had cancer and it took him years before it should have... He didn't have any heirs that wanted to take over and his second in command was more than happy to take the reins. Geoff." She spat the name out and took a drink out of her glass of water as if rinsing her mouth of it.

"He'd been waiting for his opportunity, of course. And yet again, I was busy grieving for my brother and didn't stop to notice the signs. They asked me to come in, consult on a difficult case and I happily went. Rose Tyler: Defender of the Earth, right? At least they waited until I was in Geoff's office before taking me. Didn't want to make a big scene, I imagine. Still trying to put forth that Torchwood was a legitimate agency. They had entire buildings dedicated to imprisoning and torturing aliens. Doctor, I had _no_ idea. And I want to believe that Tony had no idea either and that my Dad had no idea. But, it was obvious that they had been in this business for a while and were very, _very_ good at their craft."

Her hands were shaking as she took another drink from her glass. His own hands were balled into fists at his sides. He could see where this was going and it burned at him. "Every day they came and they tried some new form of torture on me. At first, I think they were just experimenting. They wanted to see what was 'wrong' with me, where my limits were, how far they could go without killing me. Nearly managed it a few times. The pain, it became a part of me. I forgot what it felt like to be touched with tenderness. But as bad as that was, as bad as the constant pain was, it was bearable because I could just retreat into my mind. I lived in the memories I'd had with you and with my husband and they could do whatever they wanted to me on the outside, but they couldn't touch that."

He smiled a little until she raised her eyes to meet his. He saw something so raw and anguished there that it felt like his hearts would break from the agony of it. "They couldn't touch it... until they did. Because Torchwood wasn't just about the physical torture as it turns out. No, that was just the warm-up. They were, in fact, quite skilled in the mental torture department. It took them a little while to find out what buttons to push. My mental defenses weren't as strong then as they are now. They ripped through my shields like they were tissue paper. They found you, and my husband and my family and everyone who ever meant a damn to me. And they played out scenarios day after day after day. I had to watch my family be murdered in a million different ways. I had to watch them die by my own hands. I had to watch as my husband turned into a monster, destroying worlds. I had to watch you... You left me, again and again. They loved that scenario the best, it seemed. Because they knew that one had punch, I guess. I could deny the images of my husband and of my family because I knew the truth. But watching you reject me in a thousand different and more imaginative ways had a way of getting under my skin and that was the worst of it. You see, I felt there was a grain of truth to it. You might never be so cruel as to shag Reinette in front of me, forcing me to watch while you told me how much better she was than I could ever be... but there was a nugget of truth there that dug in. They turned me against you, Doctor. They made me... afraid of you and afraid of how you could hurt me."

He wanted to yell. He wanted to rail against Torchwood and the brutality and the horror of what she'd gone through. He was so angry... he was angry at the corrupt agency that had abused this amazing creature and he was angry at himself, for not knowing what she was, for leaving her on that damned beach in that cursed world, and for giving her any reason at all to doubt him and his feelings for her and her own worth. But, she didn't need his anger right now. She needed his support and he'd be damned if he'd disappoint her again.

He stood up and went to her, kneeling next to her. He reached out and touched her arm, waited until she looked at him and he could see that there was none of this fear of him in her eyes. She reached out to him and he pulled her into his arms. He settled onto the floor and held her as she had held him. She started to speak again, quieter now. "It turned out I did have a friend or two left. A big breakout was planned and they got me out. I was a wreck. Broken inside and out. This group had the resources to get me off planet and to some place safe. They found me a good hospital far from anywhere Torchwood had been yet. I was there for months. While I was recuperating, I put out some feelers that I was looking for a Time Agent. Being across the known universe from Torchwood wasn't good enough for me. I wanted to be in another universe altogether."

"You mentioned to me before, that you met a Time Agent and were able to use some technology you had with their Vortex Manipulator," he said, stroking her hair idly.

He felt rather than saw her nod. "I'd discovered it years before when I was working at Torchwood. I knew what it could do, that it would only take the Vortex Manipulator to travel across the Void. I didn't want to use it though. I had no reason to use it. Even after the Doctor died, I couldn't see me coming back here or finding you. I was quite certain you would have been upset to see me again. But, then things went pear-shaped and it wasn't just about getting back to you. It was about saving me from them."

"How long did they have you?" he asked quietly.

"About 20 years? Maybe more? I sort of lost track after a while. Which is why I don't know exactly how 'old' I am or how long it's been since you saw me last"

His mouth went dry. 20 years. 20 years of daily torture. How did she manage not to shatter into a million pieces? He held her tighter. His Rose was unique indeed.

"Anyhow, it was a long time. But I finally found a Time Agent and got back here. I healed a lot during that time. I made friends and traveled around. I kept hearing stories about you." A grin crept into her voice and she elbowed him playfully in the ribs. "You are quite the legend, you are. I tried to help where I could, which wasn't nearly as much as I would have liked. It was an okay life but I wanted to come back to Earth. I heard that Jack was still around in the early 21st century so I found another Time Agent and came back to London. The rest, as they say, is history."

"Rose... thank you for telling me. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me that. I hate what they did to you but I need you to know that they lied. They lied about everything and they lied about me. I never saw you that way. I never wanted to reject you." He brushed his lips in her hair and felt her tremble against him.

"Then why did you?"

He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. "I'm a stupid, stupid man, Rose. I didn't think I was rejecting you. I thought I was rejecting me."

"That makes no sense, you know."

"I'm a complicated guy. And sometimes I think I'm too complicated for my own good. I overthought things. I thought there was no way you could want me, not the way I wanted you. I thought you were too young to realize what getting tangled up with me would mean. I thought I had done too many awful things to be remotely worthy of you. I thought you wanted the human experience; a husband, 2.5 kids, a house with a picket fence, the whole nine yards. I thought my responsibilities to the universe superseded anything I might want."

"You thought a lot of stupid things."

"This is what I'm saying, Rose." He chuckled.

"Thank you, for listening. I do feel better. And I... I think you might be fixing me too."

"We fix each other," he said. He drew back to look at her face. Her expression was sincere. And, if he was honest, a little sleepy. She still had a bit of recovery to do before she was completely well again, after all.

"Time for bed, sleeping beauty." He lifted her out of his lap and stood up, helping her to her feet next to him. He stayed by her elbow as she walked carefully to the bed and sat down on the edge.

"How about you?" she asked.

"What about me? You mean sleeping? Well... There's the sofa over there. That spring poking through the cushion isn't nearly as sharp as it looks," he tried to joke.

"Nonsense," she said, scooting over until she was against the wall, leaving him a spot. She patted the bed and grinned. "I promise I won't ravish you in your sleep."

He chuckled as he removed his suit jacket and tie and sat down on the edge to remove his plimsolls. He hoped he could promise her the same thing.

But as he pulled the covers up over himself and turned to face her, he found it wasn't so hard at all. He rather enjoyed watching her eyes drift closed and listening to her breathing even out as she fell asleep. He brought his arm around her waist and enjoyed the feel of her warmth underneath his fingers as he too drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

Chapter 12

Chapter Summary

We have some more talking and bonding between the Doctor and Rose while she and the TARDIS recuperate.

SPECIAL_ . -REPLACE_ME

Rose felt warm and safe and better than she had in days. In fact, she felt better than she had in years. She was rested and the lingering soreness in her muscles from her illness was fading quickly. She was snuggled down in bed, the covers pulled up to her cheeks and curled into a strong embrace.

Wait a tic. Strong embrace? She blinked her eyes open and all she saw was the edge of the bed against a bare wall. But she felt arms wrapped around her waist, holding her close against a long, decidedly masculine body. The Doctor. She remembered inviting him to share the bed with her last night after their big talk. She smiled softly, a little surprised that the intimacy of waking like this didn't seem to bother her as much she might have expected it would. She was also surprised at how different it felt from when she'd wake up next to her husband. It wasn't a difference she could quite put her finger on, but the feel of him was completely new.

She stretched carefully and twisted in his embrace so she could face him. His eyes blinked open, as if he had been actually sleeping. "Good morning," she said.

He smiled at her, his eyes traveling over her face. "Good morning. Sleep well?"

"I did. Were you asleep this whole time? I thought you didn't need much sleep," she said, lifting a hand to brush his fringe off his forehead before she could stop herself.

"Not the whole time. I woke for a bit in the night and read a little. I was tired, though, and came back. I hope that's okay. I didn't, err.. sleep much the last few days. Or you know, at all. And I hadn't had much sleep for about a week before this either. I was due up for some good rest." She noticed his gaze came to a rest on her lips and she felt a shiver travel down her back.

She chose to focus on his words rather than the sensations he was stirring within her. "You haven't rested at all since we've been here? Doctor!"

His eyes met hers again. "I couldn't rest while you were sick, Rose. I couldn't step away until I knew you were okay again."

Her breath caught in her throat. He was surprising her at every turn. His willingness to just be with her had her questioning everything she thought she knew about him and their relationship. And she was... pleased. Seizing on impulse, she stretched up to brush his lips with her own in a simple kiss. She pulled back and he was looking at her, his eyes wide and filled with something very much like wonder.

"Rose," he murmured, brushing her hair away from her face.

"Doctor," she replied, smiled. She leaned forward again and pressed another chaste kiss to his mouth. "How about you put a kettle on for tea while I visit the loo?"

She was letting him out of what could be a tense situation if he did like he always used to and let his tendency to overthink things get in the way. Still, he looked disappointed as he shifted up, turning and swinging his legs to the floor. He pulled on his trousers and stood before turning back to her and holding out a hand to help her to her feet. She took it gratefully. She was feeling so much better but her legs still felt a little wobbly. She grabbed some clothes from the knapsack on her way to the en suite.

She finished with her business, dressed, brushed her teeth and ran a brush through her tousled hair. She was wearing a simple pair of dark grey trousers today with a soft and slightly bulky off-white jumper. It was certainly comfortable and warm and those were two priorities in her life at the moment. The third priority was something of a surprise and was on the other side of the door, fixing them both some tea.

Talking to him the night before had done wonders. It had done for her psyche, what years and years of traveling and therapy had not been able to touch. She could actually find herself trusting him again and not just as a conscious choice. Trusting him was starting to be an imperative... something she did automatically. She knew she still had some ground to cover and it was hardly solid beneath her feet, but she could distinctly make out the bridge to the other side. The question was, of course, did she want to cross it?

The other side was starting to look awfully tempting...

Rose pushed these thoughts aside as she walked out of the en suite. The Doctor was sitting at the table, sipping a cup of tea. She crossed the room and sat down opposite him. "Thank you for the tea," she said, taking a sip from her own cup.

"I put out some fruit and toast too. Sorry, it's not much." He seemed kind of awkward, like he wasn't sure how to act around her.

"It's just fine." She smiled warmly and he relaxed a little.

"I just wanted to say," he began, setting down his tea, "thank you, for last night. For listening. And for telling me your story."

"You're welcome. And thank you, too. It really felt good to get that off my chest." She took a big bite out of an apple. "It's good to talk, I suppose. And I never did get to ask you a question in return last night."

"Oh?" He raised an eyebrow. "Well, gotta even the score I suppose. Ask away."

She asked him what he'd been doing in the years since Bad Wolf Bay and he told her of the people he had traveled with and the adventures he'd had. He was enthusiastic about most of it but the way he described it all, was more like the perspective of someone on the outside looking in.

He asked her about Jackie and Pete and Tony and she filled him in on her family and their life together. She told him that her parents, as she'd never seen Pete as anything other than her father, had never stopped crediting their happy life together to the Doctor. He looked bashful when she told him, and color stained his cheeks in a most adorable way. But it was true, in the midst of battle, he had played matchmaker. True enough, in later years a lot of their praise was heaped on the other Doctor, but she wanted to make sure the Time Lord Doctor knew he had never been forgotten in her family.

It was her turn to ask a question. "Was there... was there ever anyone? For you?" She hoped he understood what she was asking without needing her elaborate.

"Do you mean was there ever anyone for me besides you, Rose?" he asked, his voice soft. He shook his head. "No. I didn't want... anyone else." He cleared his throat and his expression lightened. "Oh, I've had women try to throw themselves at me. Always do, you know. I've got charm to spare. But..."

"But what?" she asked, barely aware she was holding her breath.

"But they weren't you. I missed you so much. I thought I was doing the right thing, leaving you and the metacrisis together. I convinced myself that it was the way it was supposed to be. But, I lost you and then I lost Donna and it was just too much. I wasn't living, these last hundred years. I was just existing. All I could think of was all the missed chances I had with you. I wasted so much time, Rose." His eyes were earnest and his mouth was set. She didn't know how she felt to learn that he'd been miserable without her. It was gratifying, in a way, but more than that it just made her heart hurt. She never had wanted him to be in pain. Even when she was locked up and cursing his name, she didn't think could have ever wished him to be hurting. She had been through the fire and her life had been anything but a fairytale in the years after she had lost her whole family, but at least she had had all those wonderful years with the other Doctor. She'd had those beautiful memories to hold onto and the knowledge of his love had carried her when she needed it most. What had this Doctor had? He'd been left only with the consequences of his decisions.

"You made choices for everyone but for yourself, Doctor," she told him. "It's okay to take what you want into consideration. Just because you're a Time Lord doesn't mean you can't have happiness in your life. That was your mistake, you didn't look after yourself."

He nodded, looking down at his fingers as they fidgeted on the surface of the table. "I'm learning that. And I'm hoping that I have another chance, at least with you. I really want you to come with me, Rose. Even if... even if you just want to travel with me like you did before. I would understand. I won't push you into anything."

She bit the inside of her cheek as she looked at him. "I don't know if I could just be your traveling companion anymore, Doctor. There's too much... there. I'd probably spontaneously combust before the first month was out."

He smiled then, so brightly that his eyes crinkled happily. "Well, you don't have to be _just_ my traveling companion..."

She smirked at him and he looked so adorably hopeful that she couldn't help but let a giggle escape. This was such a... _change_. She felt giddy with the sheer contrast of it all. Gone was her carefully controlled Doctor. He'd always been flirty with her, more and more so the longer they had traveled together. But he'd never been quite this... amorous. She'd be lying to say that it didn't thrill her more than a little bit.

"There's only one concern I have, Doctor," she said. She wasn't entirely sure about bringing this up but if there was to be something more than just simple friendship, it needed to be addressed. "I want to make sure that if you and I... if we... If there is..." Oh lord, she was fumbling it.

But he just smiled at her. And the gentleness she saw there in his expression calmed her. "I think I understand what you're getting at. Go on," he urged.

She blushed. "I just want to make sure that I'm not insulting his memory. And I want to make sure, since you both are so... similar. That it's you I am seeing. And not him."

"Oh," he said and she couldn't tell if he sounded disappointed or what.

"Because I do think I... want you. I just think you deserve it to be all about you and no one else." She felt ridiculous and uncertain and exposed and what if this wasn't what he wanted and oh lord, why couldn't the floor just open up and swallow her whole already?

"Rose, I understand," he said. "This isn't a typical situation and I know that. I'm glad you had my metacrisis. I'm sorry you couldn't have the life with him that I wanted you to have, but I'm glad you had him as long as you did. I won't push you with this but I understand you needing to separate us in your heart."

She took a deep breath. "The thing of it is, I'm already fairly certain I have you separated in my heart. I had to do that years ago when you first dropped us off. Because regardless of what was going on with him, I still loved you and I needed to make the distinction."

He blinked at her and then his eyes traveled over her face, resting on her lips. "Then, I'd say the hard part is taken care of," he said in a low voice.

She chuckled. Didn't that sound just like a bloke? "But physically... that's what I'm concerned about, Doctor. You are so alike in... form. I don't want any confusion on my part."

He leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table and fixed her with a heated gaze. "I'm not worried, Rose. Trust me, there will be no confusion. You will know it's _me_."

Not for the first time, she was struck with his inherent confidence and how different from her husband that boldness was. She felt a sizzle of heat race down her spine. Perhaps he was right...

"But for now, I think I should go check on the TARDIS," he announced, getting to his feet. "You seem to be feeling much better today. Do you think you'll be alright here on your own for a couple hours?"

She got to her feet as well. "Why can't I come with you?" If he thought she was going to be happy being tucked away all the time, he had another thing coming.

He reached out and cupped her jaw with his palm, rubbing her cheek with his thumb. "Normally, I would insist. Being away from you for a couple hours sounds like torture. Rose, you're still recovering from being ill and it's not a good idea for you to be out in that frigid weather for so long. You'll be better off in here, taking it easy."

Bugger. She knew he was right. She nodded, pulling a dissatisfied face. He smiled and bent down to capture her lips in a quick but tingle-inducing kiss. "I'll be back soon as I can."

He pulled on a thick coat that was hanging on the peg by the door and with a last wave, headed out. She felt the blast of cold through the opening before it snapped shut again and shivered. If that was the case, perhaps she was rather glad to be staying behind. She turned and surveyed the small room. She walked over to the bookcase and perused the contents before selecting a book that looked interesting.

As she curled on the sofa to read, she toyed with the notion of fixing a little meal for them to eat when he returned. Wouldn't that be a nice surprise for him to come home to? Suddenly, she was looking very much forward to his return.

Chapter 13

Chapter Summary

The Doctor and Rose can finally start to enjoy themselves and they're off to a great start.

Thanks again to kelkat9 for her beta services and to six for the beautiful banner!

Rose's bikini (just imagine it's teal and not black): spring-summer-2012-gallery/love/info/kristie-bikini-bra

SPECIAL_ . -REPLACE_ME

Rose stood in her room on the TARDIS, surveying the choices draped across the bed in front of her. She could go with the itty bitty bikini or the sophisticated but decidedly more modest one-piece swimsuit. Decisions, decisions. What it really came down to, more than her own personal preference, was what sort of signal she wanted to send to the Doctor? Did she want to push the accelerator or pump the breaks?

It was only two days ago that the Doctor had gone to check on the TARDIS. He'd returned in several hours time, grinning from ear to ear and proclaiming that they would be able to leave the next day. She'd given a cheer and presented him with the makeshift cottage pie she had managed to put together from their meager supplies. It was just luck that the Doctor had purchased some potatoes, meat and vegetables at the local shop. It had also been luck that she had remembered her mother's recipe. He'd been thrilled at what he had proclaimed a "real meal" and had eaten every last bite with great relish.

They'd spent the rest of the day playing cards and talking about this and that. It had been a nice break from the heavier conversations they had been having and was a lot more reminiscent of the days they had spent together all those years ago. Back then, they'd been able to stay up talking for hours, enjoying each other's company and enjoying learning about one another. Returning to that easy companionship was... nice.

Although, Rose had to admit that easy companionship wasn't the only thing she wanted these days. Even back then, she'd simmered with desire for the Time Lord. A touch of his hand or a quirk of his eyebrow could fuel her fantasies for a week. She'd been young then though, and upsetting her relationship with him had been the last thing she wanted to do. She'd regretted bitterly not acting on her desires after they'd been separated across the Void. That separation had given her greater perspective. She'd hoped, when she'd jumped across universes looking for him, that they could pick up where they'd left off. She had promised herself that she would not be left with regrets.

What she had been left with, rather, was a part-human version of her Doctor.

These last few days, spent in such close quarters with the Doctor, had seen the tension between them ramp up to sub-nuclear levels. They'd shared the bed again, completely innocently of course. Except for the way her mind traveled to completely un-innocent places as he held her against him. She'd grown accustomed again to his scent, which was different from the other Doctor. It was a smell that couldn't be found or duplicated anywhere else but that was uniquely him. In those couple of days in that cabin on an icy planet, she'd grown used to sleeping curled in his arms and inhaling that mysterious scent.

Which was why last night had been such a disappointment. They'd returned to the TARDIS in time for dinner, which they'd both prepared together in the galley. There hadn't been much to choose from in the pantry. All of the perishables had been lost in the healing process so they were left with boxes and cans. Still, they'd thrown together a mean pot of spaghetti and had laughed and joked and drank wine and enjoyed themselves all the more just for spending time with one another. They'd flirted shamelessly over the rims of their wine glasses and she'd been sure he would join her in her room when she went to bed. Instead, he'd walked her to her room and kissed her forehead while wishing her good night. Disappointed didn't even begin to cover it.

Now, they were on Maloria Prime and the Doctor had promised her a glorious day. They were going to explore the beach ("The sand is orange, Rose. ORANGE! And the sky, wait till you see it! Just wait! The sea is like bathwater!") and then later on he had arranged for her to have a complete spa pampering. Now that she was finally feeling completely well again, she was looking very much forward to it all.

She decided she must pick the skimpy bikini to wear. She was determined that this perfect day wasn't going to end with frustration and disappointment. A thrill of nervousness skated down her spine as she indulged in the thought of seducing the Doctor. Was she really ready for this? Was this the smart thing to do? Was she perhaps thinking too much?

She quickly dressed in the bikini, a nice shade of teal that set off her dark hair and lightly bronzed skin nicely. She selected a coordinating filmy sarong that she wrapped around her waist. It skimmed her calves lightly, swishing wonderfully as she walked. She found a simple pair of sandals to wear on her feet. No heels on the beach. No trainers either. There was little else more irritating than sand in your trainers. This made her automatically wonder what the Doctor would be wearing. She had an image of him dressed in his full pinstriped suit, complete with overcoat and stifled a giggle. She wouldn't put it past him, remembering how difficult it had been to get the other Doctor to dress down on appropriate occasions.

She grabbed a straw tote bag, checking it quickly to make sure the towels, water bottles and sunscreen were still tucked inside. She plucked a pair of sunglasses off the dresser, sliding them into place on her face before leaving the room. Rose found him in the console room, waiting for her. She grinned at him, having spotted him before he spotted her. He wore a pair of long brown swim trunks with a white t-shirt. On his long, bony feet he wore brown flip flops and a pair of sunglasses were hanging from the collar of his t-shirt. Her eyes lingered on his legs. All that _skin_. Surely, she'd seen all of that and more on her husband but it was becoming rapidly apparent that this man was not her husband. They were about as identical as it got but looking at him now she didn't think she could ever confuse the two of them. There was something in the way the Time Lord held himself, his posture, that was completely different. And from what she could see of his skin (legs, arms, _guh_ ) there seemed to be a certain muscle tone that she hadn't noticed on the other Doctor. Not that her husband hadn't had muscles, but it was different in a way. There was something intrinsically _solid_ about the Time Lord, an immovable force. That pretty much summed him up, alright.

"Ready to hit the beach?" she finally called out. His head snapped up to look at her and _oh_ there was the payoff. She grinned. Let the games begin.

He knew Rose Tyler had skin, bugger all. Why, just as recently as this week he'd dressed her in jim jams all by himself and had helped hoist her from the bathtub wearing little more than a towel. Neither event, it would appear, had prepared him for the sight that now met his eyes. Rose was wearing the most ridiculously brief bikini he'd seen in a thousand years of life. Okay, that was probably a gross exaggeration. But it was certainly the briefest bikini he'd ever actively taken notice of. He couldn't see much of the bottom half, thankfully, as it was obscured by a semi-translucent wrap that was tied firmly around her waist.

The top, however, was very much on display. What there was of it. Two triangles of dark sea green fabric with silver rings at the apex. Attached to the silver rings was a strap that disappeared up into her hair, presumably tying behind her neck. The triangles were joined at the middle by another silver ring, nestled cozily between her breasts and that ring was also run through with a strap that ran up her chest to join the other straps. Lots of straps. Lots of skin. Guh. Her dark hair skimmed around the top of her breasts, shining in the light from the time rotor. Her eyes were obscured behind dark glasses, but he could tell by the angle of her left eyebrow that she was amused with him.

"Have you looked your fill, Doctor?" she asked, grinning and her tongue touched her teeth in that way that she had and he wondered if it was even worth pretending that he hadn't been gawking at her.

He cleared his throat. "Yes, uh... Right. Shall we?" He gestured towards the doors of the TARDIS. She shouldered the bag she'd been carrying and nodded.

Outside they were greeted with the sounds, smells and sights of a tropical seashore. The sand was indeed orange-ish, as he had promised her it would be. There were very few clouds in the periwinkle blue sky. Birds called as they swooped in the breeze, looking for nibbles. This wasn't a secluded beach so there were people everywhere. Some of them were human, some of them were alien and they were all there to enjoy a day at the beach.

"This is perfect!" Rose cried out next to him, her grin wide and infectious.

"See? What'd I tell you? Let's go find a spot to set up camp," he suggested, holding a hand out towards her and wiggling his fingers invitingly.

She took his hand and they trudged through the fine sand, sidestepping umbrellas and blankets and towels and small children constructing sand castles until they found a perfect spot next to a tall tree that resembled one of Earth's palm trees. They spread out their towels next to one another and Rose retrieved a bottle of sunblock from her bag and began to apply it to her arms and legs. He studiously averted his eyes, finally remembering to slip his sunglasses on. Then he realized that sunglasses were very handy for watching someone without making it look like you were watching them. As far as Rose knew, he could be watching the way the waves were lapping at the shore and not at the way her fingers trailed over her belly as she rubbed in the lotion. Yes, this was a brilliant plan. He slipped his t-shirt off and started to lean back on his towel, enjoying the view and the feel of the sun on his skin.

But, then Rose turned her back to him and looked at him over her shoulder. "Can you get my back for me?" she asked, handing him the bottle. He swallowed, looking at the expanse of skin that sat in front of him, interrupted only by the clasp of her bikini top at the middle of her back and the ends of the straps where they dangled from the tie behind her neck.

"Sure," he said, trying to keep the squeak out of his voice. She gathered her hair and pulled it to the side and he squirted a liberal amount of sunscreen onto the palm of his hand. Swallowing thickly, he brought his hand to her back and began to smooth the lotion into her back. Her skin was scorching under his cool fingers. Scorching and oh so smooth. He inventoried every inch as he covered her back, letting his fingers trail around the edge of the clasp, curling around her sides, digging slightly into her shoulder blades and dancing just so lightly at the edge of her sarong. He could get used to touching her like this.

"Got it?" she asked when his fingers finally stilled at her waist. Her voice jerked him back to the present. "Want me to get your back too?"

"That'd be great, thanks," he replied, quickly turning so she wouldn't see his lap. She took the sunscreen and began to smooth her hands over his back. Her fingers felt amazing against his cool skin, like rays of the sun itself. He stifled a groan as she rubbed and pressed into his lower back. He wondered if maybe he could talk her into a back rub later on.

When she finished, she handed him the bottle and he finished applying the sunscreen to his legs, arms, chest, and face. It would certainly take more sun exposure to burn his skin than it would a human, but he expected they would be spending a considerable amount of time laying here and he didn't want to risk roasted skin.

The Doctor was tucking the sunscreen back in her bag when he saw her get to her feet and begin to remove the sarong. He was grateful for the sunglasses he now wore as he was sure his wide-eyed expression would have earned him a slap. She pulled the filmy fabric aside, letting it drop carelessly to the towel and all he could do was stare. Straps. More blessed straps. The bottoms of her bikini were ridiculously abbreviated, riding so low on her hips that he wondered how they managed to stay up at all. But then he remembered. The straps. Like the top, there was a ring at the top of the brief, both in the front and at the very small of her back. A strap was threaded through the ring in the front so it doubled back across her hips to meet the ring in the back. The overall effect was... mind altering. Judging by the small smile on Rose's lips, she knew this well. She dropped back down to the towel and stretched her long, toned legs out in front of her.

Just like that, he knew. He knew right in that moment that today would end with her in his arms. Not just with a chaste snuggle in her bed, but with him finally claiming her the way he should have done so many years ago. That timeline, the one that had them together in every way from here forward, shimmered and solidified around them and he felt secure in it. He felt excited by it. He couldn't wait to share it with her.

They spent the day that way, laying in the sun, talking and dozing. They splashed in the water, teasing and taunting one another. He read to her from one of the many books in the TARDIS library and she fetched them chips from a nearby vendor. They washed down their snack with the bottles of water Rose had stashed in her bag. It was a very companionable sort of day and he could feel the tension melting off of him just as much as he could nearly see it melting off of her.

The sun was starting its descent to the horizon and he knew they'd have to pack it in soon so Rose could make her spa appointment in time. Now was as good a time as any to let her know what he really should have let her know so very long ago.

"Rose," he said, keeping his eyes on the ocean lest he lose his nerve.

"Hmm?" she murmured, sounding utterly content.

"I need to tell you something," he said on an exhale.

She turned at the waist, propping herself up on an elbow so she could look at him. He licked at his lips nervously before continuing, "That day that I left you and him... on that other beach. I said something that I regret. Well, I probably said many things I regret that day, but there's one thing that stands out above all the others. I said it because I thought it was the best thing to do, to give my metacrisis the best possible chance with you. But it was wrong and I knew it at the time and I can't let another moment go by with it hanging there between us."

She removed her sunglasses and her brow furrowed as she regarded him. "I understand why you said the things you said. You wanted to make sure I stayed there with him. That's what he told me," she said and he could see the old hurt flash momentarily behind her eyes. His hearts twisted.

"Yes. But I don't want you to think that it was easy for me to do that, Rose. It was the hardest thing I've ever done and I've regretted it so much ever since. You asked me a question. You asked me how the sentence I started back the first time on that beach was going to end. I nearly said it, Rose. I had to physically stop myself from saying the words that were screaming inside of me. And then... 'Does it need saying?'" He looked at her then and she was watching him closely, waiting to see where he was going with this. "The look on your face when I said that... it just about broke me. I could see you were hurt. I literally didn't know what else to say. If I had told you the truth, there was no way you would have stayed there with him. If I'd tried to deny what I was going to say altogether, I think I would have burst into tears. I took the cowards way out and didn't even answer you. I threw another question back in your face."

She took a deep breath. "I felt almost like you were shaming me. Like, how dare I ask you what should have been obvious if I wasn't so busy being such a stupid ape," she said, smiling wryly.

"That wasn't fair to you, Rose. I should have told you the truth. I shouldn't have left you on that awful beach at all. You weren't a stupid ape, Rose. I was the stupid one. A stupid Time Lord," he murmured, shifting closer so he could run his palm along the side of her jaw, teasing his fingers into her hair.

"But I did know, Doctor. I knew what you meant and I knew how you felt. I just... wanted to hear the words," she admitted.

"You deserve the words, Rose. If you'll let me, I'll spend the rest of our eternity telling you those words every day," he said huskily.

She raised an eyebrow but her eyes were soft and she was smiling. "And what words are those?"

He smiled back at her and rubbed her cheek with his thumb. "I love you, Rose Tyler. I love you so much," he murmured.

"Oh, Doctor," she whispered, her eyes fluttering shut as he bent his head towards her and claimed her lips in a sweet kiss. He didn't deepen the embrace but he tried to pour as much promise as he could into the contact. He felt her lips tremble against his own and his willpower threatened to give way. Reluctantly, he pulled back so that he could see her eyes.

Her eyes danced happily at him and he saw no trace of the hardened Rose he had met in that London coffee shop almost two weeks ago. "I don't want to waste any more time with you, Rose. I want you with me, by my side. I'm through running away from what I want. I deserve some happiness, we both do. And I think we can find that happiness together," he told her, reaching down to twine her fingers with his.

"I think so too," she replied, still smiling and if he could bottle a moment and keep it for all time he thinks it would be this one. The way she looked, with the breeze blowing her hair around her, her wide smile breaking over her face, her eyes shining at him... he felt his hearts twist again but not from nerves.

"Now we had best get you to your spa appointment, Ms. Tyler. We have quite the evening ahead of us," he said mysteriously. He stood and helped her get to her feet and the two of them began to collect their things and stuff them into Rose's bag.

"Oh really? That sounds like a promise," she said, winking at him over her shoulder as she tied her sarong back around her hips.

"Oh, it is. It very much is."

Chapter 14

Chapter Summary

The Doctor takes Rose out for dinner and dancing... and there may or may not be a kilt involved.

Thanks to Kelkat9 for the fantastic beta work and six for the beautiful banner!

SPECIAL_ . -REPLACE_ME

Rose felt buffed, shined, polished, scrubbed and rubbed within an inch of her life. Quite honestly, she thought as she stepped back into the TARDIS several hours later, she felt like a new woman. If she could find the Doctor, she'd have to thank him for sending her to that spa. He wasn't in the console room so that meant either the galley or the library.

She didn't find him in either location. She doubted he would be in his room, taking a nap. The Doctor simply wasn't a "nap" sort of guy. Her husband, on the other hand, had been a big fan of naps and had always been trying to talk her into taking naps with him. So where could the Time Lord be? As she walked towards her room, she heard humming coming from down the corridor. She followed the sound until she got to the Wardrobe Room. There, she saw the Doctor picking through racks of formal attire. She watched as he paused to look over a particularly atrocious powder-blue tuxedo complete with a ruffled shirt.

"Don't even think it," she called out. He yelped and nearly dropped the tuxedo.

"Rose! You startled me!" he exclaimed, reclaiming his grip on the tuxedo and hanging it back up where it came from.

"I see that. And I don't know what you have planned for this evening but I'm just going to come right out and say NO to that tux. If you put that on, I'm staying in the TARDIS," she warned.

He stuck his bottom lip out as he looked at the tux again. "It's not _that_ bad, is it?"

"Yes. Yes, it is. Keep looking, Time Lord," she told him, breezing past him on her way to the women's formal wear.

"And what are you wearing?" he asked, following after her.

"I don't know yet. It would help if I knew what we were doing. Maybe the TARDIS will pick something for me," she said idly, fingering several evening gowns.

"Dinner and dancing, of course. Nothing but the best for my girl," he said charmingly, wiggling his eyebrows at her and running his tongue along his teeth as he grinned.

She chuckled. He was certainly in a good mood. Come to think of it, so was she. "Well, I feel like I should keep some of the mystery here. Maybe I shouldn't let you see what I'm going to wear until I'm wearing it," she replied, grinning broadly at him.

"At least tell me what color you're considering. So I can coordinate," he said, giving her his puppy dog eyes.

She raised her eyebrows. "Coordinate? Are you joking?"

"Of course not! I wouldn't want to clash with your look. We want to present a united front. Doctor and Rose, Shiver and Shake, Mutt and Jeff!" he declared.

She laughed outright. "I guess I can buy that. I don't know, maybe black? It goes with everything, it's slimming, elegant."

"Sexy," he added, grinning. She blushed, which made him grin more. It was good to see him acting more like himself.

"Okay, go find your own outfit then and leave me to find mine. No peeking, mister!" she said, pointing a finger at him and shooing him back through the racks. He sauntered off, chuckling.

She rolled her eyes affectionately. Then she looked at the racks and racks of dresses before her and blew out a breath. "I could use some help here, old girl," she murmured to the TARDIS. There was an answering hum and a light shone from the ceiling onto a particular part of the rack. She pulled aside dresses until she saw the dress the TARDIS was pointing out to her. "Ooooh, good taste! He should like this, yeah?"

The noise the TARDIS made could only be described as a giggle. She took that as a very positive sign. Collecting a few accessories and undergarments, Rose headed to her room to change.

Rose gave her reflection one more critical look in the full length mirror standing in the corner of her bedroom. Her black dress was simple but elegant. She wasn't sure what the material was and figured it must be alien in origin. It was soft to the touch and clingy in all the right places. The dress was strapless, which had required she find strapless undergarments to go with it. Considering the low dip in the back of the dress, she'd thought she was fighting an uphill battle but the TARDIS had made sure to provide her with a corset-like garment that fit around her torso snuggly while allowing for a more backless look. Rose was impressed. The TARDIS sure seemed to know her women's fashion, considering she was a bachelor's time ship.

The skirt of the dress flared at her waist, swirling around her knees. It was a great dress for dancing, no doubt. The high heeled pumps she wore were strappy and intimidating looking but felt surprisingly comfortable on her feet. Also a good thing for dancing. She wondered if they were also of alien origin as no shoes like this in 21st Century London would be this comfortable.

She'd swept her hair up off her neck, piling it up on her head so that curls cascaded down to bounce playfully. A great hairstyle for dancing. She was working off a theme, after all. She'd kept her makeup simple, a little mascara for her eyes, some color on her cheeks and a great shade of red on her lips. She thought she looked pretty fine, considering. She hoped the Doctor would agree. Grinning, she pulled open the door to her room and set out towards the console room to find him.

"There you are! Blimey, you women take forever to get dressed don't you?" he called as she emerged from the corridor. He was standing next to the console and he... oh dear lord. He was wearing a _kilt_.

It should have been absurd. She should have burst out laughing. But somehow, laughing was the last thing on her mind. In fact, there wasn't much on her mind at all as she took in his form. It was, she recognized, a formal kilt. She'd had something of a fascination with Scottish lore in her youth and when she'd seen a favorite celebrity of hers show up at an awards show in a full formal kilt, she'd spent a great deal of time learning about the different pieces. It was amazing the knowledge that stuck around after a hundred years or so. He wore a white dress shirt complete with black bow tie. Over that, a three-button black waistcoat and Prince Charlie jacket with the traditional square buttons on the sleeves and torso. But then, things got interesting. The kilt itself was topped with a fancy belt and was a red, green and black tartan. It fit snugly around his narrow waist and fell to his knees. Her eye was drawn to the _sporran_ he wore from a chain also around his waist. She also knew better than to refer to it as a purse, regardless of what it looked like. He wore white ribbed socks that came nearly up to his knees before being turned down, revealing tartan flashes from the garters that kept the socks up. A knife was tucked into the right sock. She couldn't quite remember what it was called, only remembered that it was ceremonial and part of the whole look. The shoes were traditional _ghillie brogues,_ fancy black leather shoes that laced up and tied around his ankles. She'd never seen him wear anything but Chucks; even on Pete's World her husband had only ever worn his favorite trainers. It should have been an utterly ridiculous look but on him... it was working. The whole thing was working. Her eyes traveled up and down several times before she finally remembered to bring her eyes up to his. He was was grinning broadly at her.

"Like my duds, Ms. Tyler?" he asked in a low voice.

"Where on Earth did you find a formal kilt?" she asked, amazed.

He looked at her skeptically. "Why, Scotland of course! Where else?"

She snorted as she circled around him, taking in the view from the rear. "I like your... knife," she told him, coming to a stop in front of him and grinning at him.

She saw his eyes dart to her mouth where she knew her tongue was touching the teeth at the corner of her mouth. "It's called a _sgian dubh_ ," he murmured.

"Pardon?" she asked, now watching his mouth too and enjoying the way his lower lip poked out in the most tantalizing way...

"The knife. It's called a _sgian dubh_ ," he said, obviously not thinking of the knife any longer. He tipped his finger underneath her chin and bent down to press a kiss to her waiting lips. It was brief and full of promise and he _smelled so good_.

She pulled back and smirked at his dazed expression. "If we're not careful, Doctor, I'll need to reapply my lipstick," she said, rubbing her thumb at his lower lip where the red stain had transferred.

He grinned again, that grin she loved so much. "I don't think I'd mind," he told her.

She reached down and took his hand. "Me either, but I think instead we should carry on with the evening's festivities. Hold that thought for later?" she asked.

"You can count on it." His glittering eyes held infinite promise as he lead her out of the TARDIS doors.

"Care to dance, Ms. Tyler?" the Doctor asked, getting to his feet and holding a hand out to her. She grinned up at him, set her wine glass down and accepted his hand. Dinner had been an amazing affair... the restaurant was a very posh place overlooking the crashing waves of the ocean. The room itself was enormous, the floor covered in shiny blue and gold tiles underneath a tall, domed ceiling painted with a charming fresco. Floor to ceiling paned windows looked out at the ocean and the rising moon shone over the water painting the perfect romantic picture.

She hadn't recognized the food they'd ordered and had trusted the Doctor when he assured her it was all very safe for her palate and delicious to boot. He'd been right, of course. She could only liken the main course to something very much like Earth's lobster and it had been served over a bed of grains that were very pasta-like. Whatever it was, it was very good and she'd been unable to contain her sounds of pleasure as she savored the flavors. She'd certainly noticed the way that the Doctor had been unable to take his eyes off of her while she ate.

Meal finished, it was now time for dancing, apparently. She'd expected, quite honestly, that she would have to coax him onto the dance floor. She'd never danced with this incarnation and it had been such a huge deal when his previous incarnation had danced with her to Glenn Miller back during the Blitz. Even her husband hadn't been a big fan of dancing. So she definitely hadn't anticipated his eager invitation as the band struck up a song that she was surprised to discover she knew and knew quite well.

He led her to the center of the room, where other couples were dancing, and pulled her into his arms. He began to expertly lead her around the floor, twirling her and swinging her around in time to the music. She laughed breathlessly, impressed with his prowess. Why had they never danced together before? The other Doctor, her husband, had had two left feet... had that been a contribution from Donna? She wasn't about to complain, she thought, as he spun her out and then back into his arms.

"They have this song on this planet?" she asked him, still a little breathless.

"Of course," he replied. "You'll find that marvelous music has tremendous reach and staying power, Rose."

She hummed. "It _is_ marvelous. One of my favorites, in fact." They swayed together to the music.

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You're that familiar with 'Beyond the Sea'? I would have thought it was a little, erm, before your time."

She chuckled. "'Finding Nemo'." At his blank look, she elaborated, "You know, big Disney/Pixar film about the fish searching the ocean for his missing son? This song played at the end credits."

Recognition sparked in his eyes. "Ah yes! Brilliant movie, that was! Made me shed a tear, it did. But wouldn't you have been a bit old for Disney movies when that was released?" He spun her out again and she twirled easily back into his arms.

"First, I was too young and now I'm too old?" she asked, poking her tongue through her teeth as she grinned at him. "I used to look after Tony for my parents. Later on, the other Doctor would help me. His favorite movie was 'Finding Nemo', sometimes it was the only thing that could settle him down when he was missing Mum. He used to like me to sing this to him at bedtimes."

"Really? You sang?" he said, sounding impressed and surprised all at the same time.

She shrugged casually, fidgeting her fingers on his shoulders as they moved together. "A little. It helped him settle down and I would have done anything to make him happy. Had me wrapped around his finger, he did."

He smiled at her warmly. "Would you sing it to me now? Settle me down?"

She found she couldn't resist his request, not when he was giving her his puppy dog eyes. She sang softly in his ear as he guided her across the dance floor.

 _"We'll meet beyond the shore We'll kiss just like before Happy we will be beyond the sea And never again I'll go sailing"_

 _The band kicked up into an instrumental bridge and once again she was spun out, her skirt flaring. But this time as she twirled back into the Doctor's arms, she noticed his expression had changed. His eyes were darkened, serious and soulful. She found she couldn't take her eyes off him as he danced her around. She could feel that gaze into her bones, tingling down her spine and causing her knees to tremble just slightly as he pulled her close again._

 _The music changed, became slower and more sensual. The Doctor wrapped his arms around her waist and swayed with her to the sultry music. He was pressed directly against her and she found herself responding to the sensation of the hard planes of him so close against her curves. She felt his nose nudge into her hair and her eyes drifted shut. His nearness was... intoxicating. She was suddenly utterly aware of the fact he was wearing a kilt and she wondered what he might, or might not, be wearing underneath it._

 _"There's a story," he murmured into her ear, "about this song and this dance. There's a mythology about this planet, about a really devastating war that took place here... oh... thousands of years ago. The war itself raged on for hundreds of years and at the end of it, the two leaders from each side, a man and a woman, came together and danced. They danced to this music, just like we're dancing now. Afterwards, she seduced him and there was never again another war."_

 _"She must have been really good in the sack," she murmured back in his ear, bringing her fingers up to thread through the hairs at the back of his neck._

 _He chuckled. "Or he was. Or they both were. Either way, this music and this dancing has quite a bit of importance for these people. What we're doing... is sacred."_

 _"And what exactly are we doing, Doctor? Are we making peace between us? Coming to... terms?" She pulled away just enough so that she could meet his eyes and once again found herself lost in the intense darkness of his gaze._

 _"You will always be my Rose," he said softly and they stopped dancing. She only then realized the music had ended. "I've waited a century for you, sacrificing what I wanted. I tried to honor you and what you are to me. I don't want to wait anymore."_

 _She swallowed thickly, unable to tear her eyes from his. "I don't want to wait either," she said, huskily. "I know who you are and who you are to me now and I'm tired of running away."_

 _He stepped back and her hands fell to her sides. "Then let's not wait anymore." He reached out and took her hand, lacing her fingers with his. Turning, he led her from the dancefloor and from the restaurant and back to the TARDIS._

Chapter 15

Chapter Summary

This is it, folks! There be some (some?) smut in this chapter, not safe for work or kids or anything like that. Finally! I'm done with the tormenting!

Thanks to Kelkat9 for being a fantastic and patient beta and to six for making me such a gorgeous banner. Oh and if you wanna see, scifiangel made me the most awesome gif of the Doctor in a kilt. I about died when I saw it.

SPECIAL_ . -REPLACE_ME

The walk back to the TARDIS was companionable enough, the Doctor held her hand and they chatted amiably, the way they used to so many years ago. It wasn't a far walk and before too long they were standing before the doors to the great blue box. The Doctor fished out his key and opened the doors, ushering her in ahead of him with his hand at the small of her back.

The ship greeted them with a warm hum and suddenly Rose felt quite nervous. She mentally chastised herself. What in the universe did she have to feel nervous about? She knew she wanted him. She was fairly certain the feeling was mutual. The time was right, she had no doubt of that. Maybe it wasn't nerves. Maybe it was excitement.

He stood before her, looking so utterly beautiful in his formal kilt and so very earnest. He took her hands in his, rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. "Are you sure, Rose?" he asked softly. "I know I definitely want this, but more than that I want you to be ready."

She tried to smile as soothingly as she could at him. She removed one of her hands from his and laid her palm at the side of his face. He leaned slightly into her touch, putting her to mind of a cat being stroked. "I never told you this," she began. "The other Doctor, before he died, he made me promise him that I would try to find you. He knew about the technology I had found, what I needed to do to get back to this universe. I think when he started getting so much older that he expected me to use it and was always surprised that I didn't."

"You said… you didn't want to come back to find me," he said, sounding pained. She felt her heart tug for him.

"I-I didn't. I was mad with grief for a while. I was mad at him for making me promise him that and had no intention of keeping that promise. I was sure you didn't want me and that finding you again would only bring me more heartbreak. I was doubly sure of that after the business with Torchwood. But Doctor, I was stupid. The other you, he knew. He knew better than I did how I felt and how you felt. He wanted us both to be happy. He was such a good man, better than either of us I think. And he was so right. I am sure, Doctor. I've never been so sure in my life," she finished, her voice calm and steady.

She watched as his features lit up, a smile spreading across his face. "Oh Rose," he murmured, bending down to capture her lips briefly. "I should warn you… it's been a while since I've, erm, done this."

He was blushing in a most adorable way. "How long is a while? Have you ever… with a human?" she asked, feeling genuinely curious.

"Don't know as if I can call you a human anymore," he said, winking at her. "It's been, oh, about three hundred years? I've rather lost count to be honest. And yes, I have. With a human."

"Three hundred years?" she cried. He cringed.

"It's a little different, for Time Lords. He never told you this?" Rose shook her head and he continued. "For the most part, we can control our… desire. It was bred out of us, for the most part. Of course, I was always rather a rebel." He grinned at her cheekily and she grinned back.

"So, it's been a while but you… still remember, yes?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow playfully.

His gaze darkened. "Oh yes. I just wanted to warn you that I might not… erm… have a lot of control," he said in a low voice.

Her grin deepened. "I don't want you to have a lot of control," she replied.

The Doctor reached out and took ahold of her hand and began to lead her out of the console room and down the corridor. Oh yes, that was definitely excitement thrumming through her veins.

They came to a stop in front of his bedroom door. He opened it and she stepped inside. She'd been in this room before, several times, many years ago. She saw that it hadn't changed much in the years since she'd traveled with him. The room was lit with a soft glow, almost much like candlelight. It wasn't a large room but it wasn't cramped either. It was a room that was quintessentially him, it smelled like him and it looked like him. Bits and bobs of various projects lay scattered on the surfaces of his desk and the cabinet next to the wardrobe. The bed was, like the room, large but not overly so and was covered with a dark blue duvet and grey pillows. It was neatly made, as though it hadn't been disturbed in a while. And considering their sojourn to the frozen planet and the fact he didn't sleep much in general, she supposed it hadn't.

The wood boards that covered the floor were weathered and smooth and scarred with the effects of time. A large plush rug with an intricate circular pattern woven into it covered the center of the floor. She noticed a familiar armchair in the corner, a pair of specs and a book perched on the small table next to it. Her heart twisted at the familiarity of this room. It was yet another difference as her husband had preferred a more modern style and had been very neat, never leaving things laying about No, this room was 100% Time Lord.

The Doctor stepped up to her and moved to remove her dress but she stilled his hands with her own. "Let me do this first," she murmured as she lifted her hands to his bow tie. She slowly began to remove it, carefully undoing the knot and pulling it through his collar. She let the length of material flutter to the ground as she knelt before him and began to untie the laces on his shoes.

"Do you know when I first knew I was in love with you?" she asked as she eased the shoes off his feet, setting them aside. She began to work on the socks, first removing the sgian dubh and setting it on the table next to his armchair. She glanced up and saw him shaking his head just barely, his eyes fixated on what she was doing.

"I think I loved you since I met you. But I first knew it when we met Jack during World War II. He flirted with me and I flirted back but I felt… I wasn't serious. It was as though my feelings were being tugged in a completely different direction," she continued as she unfastened the tartan flashes and eased the socks down his legs, letting her fingers run through the soft hair on his legs as she slid them off. Then, ever so slowly, she ran her hands up his legs, up under the kilt, letting his leg hair slide through her fingers deliciously. She stopped just short of discovery and grinned at the needy noise he made as she withdrew her hands.

She got back to her feet and started to work the buttons on his waistcoat. "And then, in that basement where I asked you to show me your moves… I could see you were jealous of him and I realized how much that thrilled me. When we danced, I could feel these emotions spreading through me, like melted chocolate. Filling me up. I knew I loved you."

She slid the waistcoat and jacket off his shoulders, catching the garments and laying them across the armchair. She reached around behind him to undo the chain the held the sporran in place. She set the accessory on top of the jacket and waistcoat. She removed his belt with slow movements, brushing deliberately against his stomach, feeling his muscles there tighten reflexively. She let the belt fall to the floor with a clatter.

"I didn't know what to do with those feelings, of course. I didn't think you could possibly love me back. Not the way that I loved you. But oh, Doctor. I fantasized about you all the time," she admitted, as she removed his cufflinks and began to work the buttons of his shirt. "Even after you regenerated and I didn't know your face, I still fantasized and I felt bad. Disloyal, somehow. But then I really did realize you were the same man. And I wanted so badly to tell you how I felt. I was just so scared of how you might react."

She pushed the shirt from his shoulders and let it fall to the floor. She ran her hands over his now bared chest, delighting in the feel of his muscles under her fingers, the coolness of his skin, the softness of his chest hair. "I'm glad I got to tell you, in the end. That day on the beach. I wanted you to know," she said softly.

"Rose," he whispered, covering her hands with his.

"Now, I'm still wondering," she said, an impish grin blooming on her lips, "just what you have on under this kilt." Her fingers drifted around to his hips and the buckles that secured the kilt to his slight frame. "Let's find out, shall we?"

He growled and with a sudden flash of movement, he grabbed her, his fingers digging into her arms as he claimed her lips with his. He demanded entry to her mouth directly, his tongue plunging in to push and twine against hers. She groaned into his mouth as her hands reached up to grab at his head, her fingers diving into his hair, twisting into the strands. He was pushing against her, his fingers kneading into her skin, his tongue exploring her mouth and she could almost feel her brain melting from the assault on her senses. Without disengaging, she felt his hands at her back, unzipping her dress in one swift movement. The fabric slid easily down, pooling around her feet and leaving her in her knickers, corset-styled bra with the suspenders that were holding up her stockings and her strappy heels.

He released her then, stepping back to look at her. "Wow," he breathed. "Those are some seriously naughty undergarments you have on there, Rose." He reached up and removed the clips holding her hair up so that the curls fell around her shoulders. He set the clips down on the table and then circled around her almost predatorily.

"Oh, the view back here is even better," he said, his voice dark and velvety. She jolted a little as she felt his finger stroke at the top of her stocking, just under the crease of her bum. He snapped one of the suspenders and she yelped. "This is really turning me on," he admitted hoarsely.

"Take it off me," she begged. "Please." Her heart was pounding and she wanted to feel his hands on her, all over her.

The Doctor took her hand and led her to the bed. "Sit," he instructed, his voice warm. She sat on the edge of the mattress as he knelt down before her. He took her foot and set it on his knee as he worked the tiny buckle on her shoe, undoing it easily and easing the heel off her foot. He ran his fingers along her calf and ankle and along her foot, pressing a kiss to the inside of her knee before releasing her foot and repeating the process with the other shoe.

Then, his hands drifted slowly up her leg to where the suspenders clipped to her stockings. With a flick of his fingers, the suspenders were released and he rolled the stocking down her leg, kissing along her skin as it was revealed to him. A shudder ran through her, clear down to her toes causing them to curl. By the time he removed the stocking on her other leg, she was practically shaking.

He rose up a little and reached around her back, his face just inches from her heaving chest as he flipped open the closure on the corset-style bra she was wearing. He pulled it slowly away from her, revealing her to him for the first time. Rose felt a flush flame across her skin as he stared at her, his expression reverent and amazed. Slowly, he lifted a hand and began to touch her, his fingers light and exploratory. She shivered, but not with cold. He moved closer, nudging his torso in between her knees and brought his mouth to her skin. He tasted her, his lips and tongue moving over her breasts and around her nipples with aching deliberation. She arched forwards into his touch and he wrapped an arm around her, splaying his hand across her back to steady her.

Then he was lifting her just a little, getting to his feet and pushing her back onto the bed. He climbed on after her, his mouth still lavishing attention on her breasts. He groaned against her skin and she felt the tremors clear down in her core. His hands began to stroke down her sides, feeling from her ribcage and down to her hips, over her knickers and down her legs as far as he could reach. Then he danced his fingers back up to her hips, delighting in the curves there. He slid down her body, trailing his lips down over her belly and around her belly button before lingering kisses over her hips where his fingers still explored.

He took ahold of her knickers and began to tug, pulling them down. She lifted her hips and he slowly drew the lacy scrap of material down, watching her and gazing hotly at the newly revealed flesh as he pulled them off, tossing them to the side. His hands reached around her hips, fingers digging into her bum as he steadied her. He held her still as he brought his mouth down to blow a cool breath across her damp curls. She gasped and writhed in his grasp as much as she could. His nose brushed against her clit, just barely, and he inhaled her scent, moaning softly. She tried to buck her hips but his grip was firm.

"Oh, Rose… you smell so amazing. The best scent ever… I've been wanting to smell you and taste you like this for so long," he groaned, and then he was teasing her, drawing his tongue slowly through her folds, dipping gently inside of her before moving up and circling around her clit, just barely touching.

She was dimly aware that she was crying out now, begging him for more. Her grasp on reality was slipping as her grip on the duvet tightened. "Doctor… oh my god, Doctor… please….!" she gasped.

At her urging, his control seemed to snap and he grabbed her even more firmly, pulling her hips to his mouth as he clamped his lips around her center. His tongue shoved inside of her, as far he could reach and his lips ground into her clit. He sucked hard, thrusting his tongue, moaning into her so she felt the vibrations ripple through her. She shattered without warning, everything in her vision suddenly blinding white as the sensations he was creating with his mouth poured through her over and over again. She screamed, was pretty sure she was screaming his name as she writhed uncontrollably, grabbing at anything she could get ahold of before finally grasping his arm, digging her nails in and leaving scratches behind.

The Doctor was absolutely amazed as he stretched up onto the bed beside her and watched her climax. Rose was a beast gone wild and he had done that and it was the most utterly gorgeous thing he had ever laid eyes on. He found he was very much looking forward to spending the rest of his very long life making it happen again and again and in new and more interesting ways.

She slowly calmed, sinking limply into the duvet, her golden skin shining with sweat. He gently caressed her skin, watching her breathing begin to even back out and her eyes flutter open. "Rose," he murmured her name reverently, "You... you're so beautiful. And you're incredible... that was incredible." A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth and she turned her head to look at him with soft eyes.

"Doctor… I don't think there are words for what you just did," she said breathlessly.

He grinned what he knew was a smug grin. "Well, I hate to brag…" She turned towards him, and propped herself up on an elbow. She began to stroke her fingertips along his body, dragging her nails lightly. His nerve endings fired and flashed at the awareness she was awakening in him. His eyes drifted shut and a split second after he felt her fingers leave his skin, he felt her rise over him, straddling his hips with her firm legs. He opened his eyes to see her hovering over him, her hair a curtain of silky brown raining around him. She bent down and kissed him, very tenderly, her tongue stroking and tasting.

Before the Doctor could control the kiss, however, she was moving down and pressing feather-light kisses to his jaw and to his neck. She settled at the juncture of his neck and shoulder and he gasped involuntarily as she bit and sucked at the skin there, leaving a mark he was sure. He would have to remember to return the favor. Later.

Rose's fingers were back to exploring, mapping out his body as she trailed kisses down to his chest, running her tongue so slowly over his nipples. He glanced down in time to see her take one of his nipples between her teeth, biting down ever so slightly. The pleasure of the sensation and the sight of her nibbling on his flesh was almost enough to completely undo his control. His hips jerked upwards, searching for hers. She chuckled and continued her slow journey down his body, touching and tasting every feature she came to.

"Am I going to get to see what's under this kilt now?" she asked, her tone playful as her fingers danced around the upper edge of the tartan fabric, stroking the skin along his stomach.

"Guh… yes," he moaned, trying to keep his hips from jerking again as her fingers went to the clasps at his sides. She deftly unlatched the buckles, loosening the fabric. He lifted his hips and she drew the garment down and off his body. He was, of course, wearing absolutely nothing underneath the kilt. Never let it be known that he wasn't a traditionalist. Her grin was absolutely filthy.

She was spending a great deal of time caressing the skin at his hips, running her fingertips along his jutting hipbones and into the dips of skin there, tasting with her tongue as well. He was trying very hard not to whimper as he was sure that wasn't the masculine thing to be doing. But her teasing touches and tastes so very close to where he wanted her to be the most were threatening his very sanity. He moaned her name, unable to keep the pleading note out of his voice. Her fingers drifted ever so slowly over to his straining erection and began to brush up and down his length. Her touch was so light and teasing that he wondered if it were possible to go mad from this. Perhaps he could be a case study; how not to tease your Time Lord.

"Rose," he moaned again, his hips pushing against her. "Yes, please… more. More of that… oh Rassilon!"

He watched through half-lidded eyes as she smiled and adjusted herself over him, her touch becoming more deliberate. He sighed at the added friction and then cried out as he felt her lick at the head of his cock. She was taking her time, taking long, slow licks as she savored the taste of the seeping fluid there. She drew her tongue then ever so slowly down his entire length, stroking after her tongue with her hand. She wrapped her fingers around the base and grasped him firmly before finally sucking as much she could of his cock into her mouth.

"Rose!" he shouted, trying desperately to control his rutting hips. "Your mouth…ungh…. so good…"

She worked her tongue in sync with the squeezing and twisting of her hand, her other hand softly stroking his balls. She alternated swipes of her tongue with mind-blowing suction and soon he was gasping and groaning and trying so hard to keep his hands out of her hair. He watched her, incredibly turned on by the sight of her mouth around his flesh, of his cock disappearing and reappearing from between her lips. How long had he dreamed about that sight? He was so very close to losing the last of his control and he desperately wanted to come inside her this first time.

"S-stop. Rose… please, stop. I want- want to… in you…" he gasped, grabbing at her arms and trying to pull her up.

She released him and smiled. She shifted, intending to settle herself over him but he had other plans. In the next moment, he had her rolled deftly underneath him, his hips situated between her thighs and his hands braced on either side of her shoulders.

The Doctor reached up to cup her face with his hand and he dipped his head to kiss her tenderly, delighting in the slight taste of him still in her mouth. He brushed his tongue along the roof of her mouth, feeling her shudder beneath him. He drew back just enough to rest his forehead against hers.

"I love you," he told her, gazing into her eyes and finding himself falling into their depths.

"I love you too, Doctor," she replied, wrapping her arms around his back and hugging him to her tightly. "Never let me go," she said, her voice choked with emotion.

"Never," he promised, raining kisses along her brow and cheekbones. He lifted his hips momentarily, reaching down between them to take ahold of his erection. He guided it to her folds which he was pleased to discover were soaking and ready for him. She drew her leg up over his hip, encouraging him forward. Groaning loudly, he pushed into her. He was trying to go as slowly as he could, to give her a chance to adjust to his length and girth and to savor each feeling, but the feel of her so tight and so hot around his cock was destroying his control and he didn't have much to spare.

He grit his teeth as he sunk down until he was full sheathed inside her warmth. He gripped her upper arms so tightly he was afraid he would leave bruises on her tender skin. He was shaking now with the effort to hold back and she was murmuring soothing words into his ear, kissing along the side of his face with soft lips.

"This is amazing, Rose. You are amazing. I feel so brilliant, I can't… oh, why didn't we do this sooner?" he moaned, biting his lip as he strained to stay still just a moment longer.

She laughed a little, sending ripples through her body that echoed into his. "Oh Doctor, now you're catching on," she said, gasping as his hips moved slightly. "Oh god, please. Please… I want-"

She was begging and he found he couldn't hold back a moment longer. He kept the pace as slow and deliberate as he could at first, reveling in each sensation as the heat began to build up in both himself and in her. But as he moved, the desire for more and faster and harder started to overtake him and he began to plunge in and out of her. He worried that he might be hurting her with his roughness but then she was urging him on, gasping his name and begging for harder and he couldn't possibly deny her.

He was getting close, so very close. But there was something else he wanted, something his body and mind was screaming out for. He paused in his thrusting for a moment, bringing his fingers up and not quite touching her temples. "Rose… can I…?" he gasped. She seemed to understand what he was asking and cried out an affirmative. He touched her temples and pushed into her mind the same time he pushed back into her body.

The Doctor was flooded by her desire, her emotions and the sensations of his body moving in hers. He felt her presence all around him and his mind suddenly no longer felt vacant and empty. He groaned at the exquisite joy of it, tears pricking at his eyes. He resumed his earlier pace and Rose was meeting his thrusts, her hips lifting off the bed, her little cries serving to urge him closer and closer to the edge.

He could not control himself any longer, could not hold himself back anymore and he pushed his mind through hers, forging his presence there. She felt it and came undone beneath him, shaking and contracting around him and he was lost in the feel of her inner walls grasping at him, clenching around him. Her mind washed over him, threatening to pull him under with her.

"Mine," he grunted, gripping her harder, his thrusts becoming erratic. "You are mine."

"Mine," she echoed, her voice hoarse and keening. "Never let me go."

He cried out her name as he spasmed inside her, his cock pumping his release within her. Sensation was erupting around him, shuddering through his body and he couldn't believe that it felt like this. He couldn't recall anything in his very long life ever being like this. He was pulled underneath, his limbs tangled with hers and he was gladly drowning with her.

They'd both dozed off directly afterward, but he stirred a little a short while later. She was curled around him, her head at the crook of his shoulder, her breath tickling the hairs on his chest, her arm resting across him, her leg wrapped around his. He tightened his arms around her, breathing in the scent of her; Rose, arousal and sex. It was a most glorious smell, he decided.

This whole night had been a miracle. He'd always suspected that making love to Rose would be spectacular but was amazed to discover that his fantasies had fallen far short of the reality. That fact was impressive mostly because his fantasies had been very good. He did have a Time Lord imagination, after all.

He could still feel the presence of her in his mind, just a nudge of warmth in a long forgotten corner of his psyche. He hadn't meant to initiate the bonding process just yet, but he'd been utterly swept up in the moment. He would have to explain it all to her tomorrow, make sure she understood the implications. For now, however, she should rest and regain her strength. So should he, for that matter. He settled down again, drawing her closer to his side and let his eyes slide closed.

Chapter 16

Chapter Summary

This is it, the last chapter. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed and been so wonderfully encouraging! I had a great time writing this story. I do have an idea for a prequel as well as a sequel but it'll likely be a while before I get to that, as I really need to give "Transgressions" some attention.

Thanks for kelkat9 for the beta services and six for the beautiful banner!

SPECIAL_ . -REPLACE_ME

Rose woke slowly, taking in the sensations around her before opening her eyes. She felt warm and safe and satisfied. The Doctor's arms were wrapped around, holding her close against him as they spooned together. She could feel the flutter of his dual heartbeats against her bare back and she smiled softly. His breath ruffled her hair, his nose buried in her tousled tresses. She shifted slightly, rubbing her foot along his lazily. He purred (purred!) and pulled her even closer against him. She laughed a little, rubbing her own hands up and down his arms, delighting in his tense muscles and the soft, thick hair on his forearms.

"Did you get enough sleep?" he asked, his voice warm.

"I did. I feel fantastic," she replied, stretching as best she could within his grasp.

"I feel fantastic too," he told her, and she could hear the smile in his tone. She twisted until he loosened his hold on her so she could turn and face him. His hair was impossibly mussed, his expression was completely pleased and sated and she felt a stirring of pleasure knowing she was responsible for both.

"I love you," she murmured, leaning up to press her lips to his. His hand threaded through her hair, holding the back of her head as he deepened the embrace. His tongue swept into her mouth and she shuddered against him.

He pulled away after a few long moments and smiled at her gently. "I love you, too."

She could barely comprehend being here, tucked in his arms, in his bed, on board the TARDIS. Warm and happy and pleasantly sore after having had amazing sex with the Doctor was such a far cry from where she'd expected she would end up. Her plans had been tossed in the bin and while it's a little frightening to be standing at the edge of this new forever so unexpectedly, she knew she wouldn't wish to be anywhere else.

He was fingering a lock of her hair that lay limply on her shoulder. "I'm still not completely used to the brown," he murmured.

She raised her eyebrows. "Do you not like it?" she asked, not bothering the keep the amusement out of her voice.

His eyes raised to hers. "Oh, I definitely like it. I like everything about you," he told her, his finger stroking over her shoulder idly. "But maybe I do miss the blonde a little."

She chuckled. "Maybe I'll go back to blonde one of these days, when I get tired of the brown," she said, biting her lip. "Then again, maybe I could try ginger."

His eyes widened almost comically. "Really?" he squeaked. He cleared his voice self-consciously. "I mean, that might be interesting."

She leaned up and kissed him again, sweetly, before wriggling out of his arms and sitting up on the edge of the bed. She stretched her arms over her head and felt his hand caress down her back. "Where do you think you're going?" he asked playfully.

She grinned at him over her shoulder. "I need a shower. Desperately," she told him, pushing to her feet, delighting in the lingering soreness she felt. She glanced at him and saw the Oncoming Pout. She leaned down and poked at his protruding lower lip with her index finger. "You can join me... if you want."

She didn't wait for his answer, but instead got up and sauntered into the adjoining en suite, making sure to swing her hips more than she might normally. She'd no sooner turned the taps on the shower before she felt his arms slide around her waist. She grinned as she turned to face him. "What took you so long?" she asked as his lips claimed hers.

The shower ended up taking a little longer than she had expected.

Eventually, they were both clean, dry, dressed and presentable. They were in the galley where Rose was frying them up some breakfast and the Doctor was fixing them both mugs of steaming tea. The scene was so unreservedly _domestic_ that she chuckled thinking of what his previous incarnation would have thought of it. She could see his eye roll in her minds eye very clearly.

"What are you laughing at?" he asked, amused. He handed her a mug of tea which she accepted with a kiss before taking a long drink.

"I was thinking of how domestic this is, you and I fixing breakfast together. Was a time you wouldn't have been caught dead like this," she said, setting her mug down and stirring the mushrooms around in the buttered skillet before flipping the eggs over.

He sat at the table and watched her with appreciative eyes. "Oh, I don't know. I think I talked a good game," he murmured, sipping at his tea. At her raised eyebrow, he continued, "I think with you, I could have been talked into it."

"Really?" she said, surprised. She slid the eggs, mushrooms and sausage onto a plate before spooning some beans on the side. She brought the plate to him before returning to dish her own meal up and he dug in happily.

He nodded as he swallowed a bite. "Yes, really. Rose, I knew I loved you back when we met that Dalek in the bunker in Utah in 2012. Remember that? Do you remember how I almost lost you? I knew it then for sure and who knows, I may have loved you before then as well. You could have asked me to do anything and I would have gladly done it."

She took a seat across from him and smiled. "I think you have your limits. Doors and windows and carpets? A _mortgage_?" she teased, her tongue touching her teeth. "Next you're saying you would have gone for the whole wedding nonsense. It was hard enough for the other Doctor to propose and deal with the ceremony and he had human hormones and impulses."

He cleared his throat and pushed his plate aside, reaching for her hand. His eyes were earnest and she felt a flutter in her chest. "Rose, I need to tell you something," he began, running the pad of his thumb across the back of her hand. "Last night... do you remember me... inside your mind?"

She remembered the feeling of being full, of his essence surrounding her, his joy and pleasure washing over her and blushed. "Yes, I do. It was... amazing, Doctor," she said, gripping his hand tighter.

"I hadn't meant to do it then... I wanted to talk to you more about it before I- I did what I did," he said, sounding sheepish.

"What do you mean, did what you did? What did you do?" she asked.

"I- I initiated the bonding process. I imprinted myself on your mind, Rose. And I didn't even ask you first. I... I should have asked," he said, dropping his eyes to their hands.

Her brow furrowed. She didn't quite understand what he was on about. "Bonding process? Imprinting? I don't understand... explain it to me?"

"My people... their weddings weren't the same as your weddings on Earth. There was a lot of pomp and circumstance and ceremony of course... this _is_ the Time Lords we're talking about. But the traditions are much different. And at the heart of the ceremony is a joining of minds. Two Gallifreyans would, using their psychic powers, enter each other's mind and imprint their... self, on their mate's mind. It forms a lasting bond between the two, one that cannot be removed without pain of death," he told her. She listened intently, fascinated. The other Doctor had never told her any of this. She wondered briefly if he had been hesitant to bring it up because he lost so many of his psychic abilities in the metacrisis.

"I can give you some books from the TARDIS library to read, if you're interested. The text goes into far more detail than I could do justice right now. But the imprinting on the mind... that is what I initiated last night. I didn't mean to, not without your knowledge, Rose. But I'm … I'm not sorry," he finished, looking into her eyes and his expression seemed to be entreating her to understand and accept.

"So... it's like getting married, in a way?" she asked.

He nodded. "Yes. But more... permanent."

"Can you show me? How to imprint on you?" she asked.

He beamed at her. "Yes, I can. I'd love to share that with you, Rose." He reached out and stroked her face with his fingers and she nudged into his palm. The look on his face was so content, she didn't think she'd ever seen anything so achingly beautiful in all her life. If she'd ever had any doubts about a relationship with him before, they were long gone now. She wanted to be here to make sure he stayed happy for as long as she could.

Jack Harkness stood in the middle of Rose's flat, looking around at the boxes and other debris. "Living room's sorted," he called out into the flat. There was a thump followed by a couple of muttered words and a giggle from Rose's bedroom. Jack rolled his eyes. "You two are _packing_ , yes?"

"Yes, Jack!" came Rose's laughing reply.

He shook his head and moved into the kitchen with an empty box. The Doctor and Rose had called him the previous night to ask him to meet them here. They hadn't explained much on the phone, just that they needed to pack up Rose's flat and could Jack maybe sublet it? Rose would not be returning to Cardiff. Jack smirked as he opened a cupboard and began to place the meager contents into the box.

He'd seen this coming of course. From the moment Rose had told him she'd run into the Doctor, he'd known it was only a matter of time before they worked through their issues and found their way back to one another. He was glad for it. He knew the two of them needed each other. He'd known these two were destined for each other since his days of traveling on the TARDIS with the two of them, back when the Doctor wore another face. They completed each other in a way that Jack doubted anyone else could come close to duplicating.

He thought of the metacrisis Doctor and remembered with a twinge the story Rose had told him about her time with him. He hated that she'd had to go through the pain of letting him go but was so grateful for the time she'd had with him. Not for the first time, he cursed the Doctor for locking the two of them away in that parallel world in the first place. So much wasted potential and time together. They could have been happy. Jack was sure of it. They could have made it work, the three of them, if the Doctor hadn't been so scared.

Oh, well. Spilled milk and all of that. At least the Doctor had finally come to his senses. At least Rose had been able to let go of her trauma in the past and reach for him again. The Doctor could help her get better and just like always, she would do the same for him. He smiled as he emptied the utensil drawer into the box before moving to the fridge with a new box. Everything was as it should be and all was right with the world.

He finished packing up the kitchen and noticed that he hadn't heard much from the flat's other two occupants in a while. Suspicious and more than a little curious, he crept down the hall towards Rose's room. The door was ajar and he peeked in.

The Doctor and Rose were sitting on the floor next to the bed, a half-filled box next to them, their arms around one another as they kissed leisurely. They both looked as if they had all the time in the world to be exploring each others mouths. Jack felt a twinge in his chest as he observed them, a pang of longing. What a gift these two had in each other. He hoped they appreciated it.

"Mind if I join in?" he called out, pushing into the room and delighting in the way they sprung apart from another like a couple of guilty teenagers. "Oh, don't stop on my account! I can just pack up this flat all by myself."

"Jack," the Doctor growled, pushing himself to his feet and fixing him with a warning glare.

"Sorry, Jack," Rose said, also getting to her feet and resuming the emptying of her wardrobe into the box. She was flushing adorably.

"The rest of the flat is ready to go. Want me to start loading boxes in the TARDIS?" he asked, nodding at the TARDIS parked in the corner of Rose's room.

"Might as well," she replied, closing up the box she was working on and marking the contents on the top with a permanent marker.

Between the Doctor and Jack it only took a few trips into the TARDIS to transfer all the boxes. By the time they were finished, Rose was done packing up the final box. The Doctor carried it into the TARDIS while Rose gave Jack a lengthy hug.

"Thank you for being the best friend ever," she murmured in his ear as she held him close.

"Just promise me that you two won't forget about me, okay? Come back for a visit now and then," he said, stroking her hair.

"Never," she promised. "We could never forget you."

"Are you making a move on my girl?" the Doctor asked, stepping out of the TARDIS.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Doc," Jack replied, releasing Rose but pinching her rear as he did so that she jumped. She swatted his arm playfully. The Doctor snorted.

"I think it's time we get going," he told Rose, stepping up and resting a hand against her back in a mostly unconscious possessive gesture. Or maybe it wasn't unconscious at all. Rose was going to have her hands full with this one, Jack mused.

"You ever want to talk or _need_ to talk, Rose, you know how to reach me," Jack said, his hand on her shoulder. He caught her eyes and gave her a significant look.

She patted his hand. "I think it's going to be okay, Jack. But I'll definitely stay in touch."

Jack kissed both of them goodbye, just as he had so many years ago. It may or may not have been a plot to get his lips on the Doctor's new face. Even Jack he wasn't completely sure. The Doctor looked suitably chagrined as Jack pulled away. Rose giggled a little and smiled up at the Time Lord indulgently.

"You two kids be good now. Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Jack said as the pair walked to the TARDIS.

The Doctor paused at the doors, turned and snorted. "That doesn't narrow the field much, Jack."

"I know," he grinned. He waved at his friends as they disappeared into the TARDIS. Moments later, the big blue box dematerialized leaving him alone in the flat.

"Good luck, you two," he murmured under his breath as he pocketed the keys Rose had handed him and let himself out of the flat.


End file.
